Candle in the Night
by Max Brown
Summary: What would have happened had Bella been a vampire and Edward the human who had just moved to Forks? How would their relationship have been different and how would it have been the same?
1. First Sight

Please read and review...and please be honest and tell me what you really think of it, even if you hate it. I like criticism. Criticism is helpful. Anyway...I'll stop blathering on and get to the story.

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

Ch.1 - First Sight

Another day of school. Another long, seemingly endless day which was just one of who knows how many more to come. I was aware of a large crowd of people around me talking excitedly as they greeted old friends who they hadn't seen for a couple of months. I laughed quietly under my breath, realizing this felt like a long time to them. A couple of months. I sighed as I made my way from my locker to my first Biology II class of the year. My six-hundred-and-somethingth in my life.

Well, more like my existence. My name is Bella Swan. Soon after I turned eighteen, about eighty years ago, I became aware of and joined an underground society of beings. We've been called many different things: the cold ones, blood-drinkers, and vampires, by humans. I was living in the small, rainy town of Forks, Washington, where nothing eventful ever happens and so which nobody ever hears about. This might not be the most interesting place for some more adventurous humans to live. For my family and me, it was perfect.

All vampires have to keep their existence a secret, but people already instinctively shy from us. We're the predators, they're the prey; it's as simple as that. We do have some features to help lure prey in: we appear beautiful to humans, despite our crimson eyes. Or, if we don't prey on humans like my family and I, gold eyes.

Like I said before, nothing eventful ever happens in Forks, so when anything out of the ordinary does happen, there's a huge commotion. Today it was the arrival of a new family with five children, all adopted. I hadn't seen them yet, but I had heard their names murmured over and over again through the crowds of eager students. The Cullens. The Hales.

As I walked into the Biology classroom, I saw an unfamiliar face in the seat next to mine. He must have been one of the new students. Poor boy. These would be an uncomfortable couple of months for him, having to sit next to me.

Normally I would've ignored a human, but as I looked at his face, I felt an almost motherly urge to protect him and make him feel welcome spreading through me. I didn't want him to be afraid of me.

"Hello, I'm Bella Swan," I greeted him cordially.

"Hi, I'm Edward Cullen. Nice to meet you," he replied. He grinned at me, to my surprise. He had a nice face, I decided, even for a human. The kind of face you'd see on a model in a magazine or a commercial.

He offered his hand to shake mine. I looked pointedly in the opposite direction. I felt rude, but if he touched my hand it could reveal us for what we are; our skin is ice-cold.

He stared curiously into my dark gold eyes, and I couldn't help but look into his vividly green ones. I was again surprised by the depth to them; I felt like I could swim in them for miles and miles, drown in them, and I might have if Mr. Banner hadn't cleared his throat and begun talking about cell structures and DNA – something I had studied over and over again and which I knew from cover to cover, but I tried to look interested and I took meticulous notes anyway. It was all part of the façade, and nobody ever questioned it.


	2. Wrong

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

Ch. 2 - Wrong

Edward continued to peek at me curiously during the rest of the class, but I tried to keep my eyes on Mr. Banner. I didn't want to lose my focus and be distracted away from my state of dreary semi-consciousness by an insignificant human boy. Finally, the 11:50 bell rang, signaling the beginning of lunch.

I stood in line to get my lunch, and I noticed Edward and four other unfamiliar people sitting at a table in the middle of the cafeteria, talking animatedly with Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton. They had gained acceptance so quickly. An acceptance I would never achieve.

Not that I wanted it anyway, I told myself quickly. They were just humans. I would have no use for them as friends. It would never work.

As usual, I sat over on the bench in the corner of the room, and I picked up a book so that no teachers or polite students would feel compelled to come sit with me when they saw me sitting alone and staring into space. I had made this mistake many times in the past, and I was not about to repeat it anytime soon.

I sat patiently, ripping a piece of pizza to shreds, putting the straw of the Coke to my lips. Pretending.

As I began to walk to gym, I noticed Jessica walking Edward to his next class, and I felt some unknown emotion just barely reaching my fingertips. I tried to block it out.

Edward turned and spotted me. He smiled and waved genially. Jessica looked slightly agitated.

"Hey," I felt myself saying as I smiled back. As I realized what I was doing, I turned away and started even more rapidly than before in the direction of the gym. I couldn't let any humans become too close with me. I should be repressing any friendly behavior, not encouraging it. This was wrong.

I walked into the gym and changed absentmindedly. I thought about the situation. I hoped Edward was not going to take the same path Mike, Eric, and Tyler had. Eric and Tyler, thankfully, had quickly gotten over their fascination with my alluring beauty. Mike, on the other hand, had taken a little more convincing. Hopefully Edward would not be as difficult. Wait – what was I saying? I had barely met Edward, why was I now imagining him in love with me? I had to slow down. He was just being friendly. Of course he was, I told myself.

Again, I felt a tingle of feeling, threatening to seep into me, and again I suppressed it. I walked out of the locker room.

As I turned the corner and was able to see through the open doors of the gym, I noticed Coach Clapp kneeling over, setting up a big net in the middle of the gym. Volleyball. Wonderful.

"Don't trip over any of the humans," I muttered to myself under my breath. I laughed once, quietly. It was more of a quick sigh. This was going to be a long gym class.


	3. Detached

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

Ch. 3 – Detached

As the volleyball game progressed, I heard little snippets of conversations and gossip about the Cullens. I wasn't _trying _to listen, I just heard. But then again, maybe I was paying slightly more attention to the endless chatter than usual. Not that I would ever admit it to myself if I was.

"...just moved from Alaska. Wow. I've never been there, but..."

"...heard the father is a doctor. A really good one. My father says Forks should feel lucky to..."

"...all adopted. Apparently the mother can't have kids or something, which I personally..."

"...all already paired up. Except for that one with the reddish hair and green eyes. Edward, is it? Whatever, I wouldn't mind getting my hands on..."

The day finally came to a close. I walked out of the history classroom and opened my plain, undecorated locker. I began putting books into my backpack as a figure appeared, looking down at me from behind the door of my locker.

It was Edward.

"Hi," was all he said, simply.

"Hello," I replied. I tried to make my voice cold. He just stood there. "Umm...was there something you wanted to say?" I asked, my tone indifferent.

"Well, I was wondering if you'd like to go to ice cream shop with me," he said.

"Ah...no. I don't think that would be the best idea." I answered. This time I couldn't hold back the bit of remorse that crept into my tone.

"I don't know the way there," he admitted with a sheepish grin, "Could you just show me the way?"

"I'm sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't mind giving you a helping hand," I reminded him.

"Yes, but I only know a couple of people's names and I've already asked them for so much. I'd feel rude asking them for more. And as for the others, well, you can't expect me to make a fool of myself on my first day by forgetting their names, can you, Bella?" he countered.

I was surprised by a gradual build of annoyance I could feel growing in my chest. He just wouldn't take no for an answer. And yet, I still felt bad denying him this pointer. It _was _his first day, after all. And, if I was being honest with myself, I wanted him to like me. I don't know why – maybe it was his open, carefree smile and penetrating eyes. Or maybe it was his friendly demeanor, so ready and willing to make friends. Or maybe it was just the fact that I was tired of being disregarded. Tired of being the antisocial creature that I was. But I didn't have a choice. I couldn't change who I was. Having friends, people you can talk to, share your problems with, keep no secrets from; it would all hurt more in the end. Hurt us all more.

But would it really be so bad to just walk someone who's new in town to the ice cream shop? I couldn't have intimate friends, but did that prohibit me from any social interaction at all? No, I told myself, of course it didn't.

"No," I sighed, "I guess not. Sure, I'll just show you the way."

Edward smiled at me from ear to ear. A crooked smile that perfectly complemented his face. I finished shoving the last of my books into my backpack, and Edward and I made our way through the masses of people in the hallway and out into the street.


	4. Confused

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

Ch. 4 - Confused

"So," said Edward as we started down the street toward the ice cream shop, "Have you lived in Forks all your life?"

"No," I replied. How true that was. "I just moved here with my dad two years ago from Canada."

"Really? Why?" he continued, looking intrigued.

I shrugged. My reason-we-left-Canada speech was memorized, and I repeated it mechanically. "My dad was having trouble with his job, and we wanted to start a new life in America. Washington was close to the border, and a similar climate to the one we were used to."

"Wasn't it hard for you to leave all your friends behind though? To leave behind the whole life you had created for yourself there?" he asked, just as serious as before. I heard a little bit of concern as well. I felt bad for deceiving him.

"Everybody's really nice here," I hedged. That was not entirely true, but it was close enough to the truth that he didn't catch the small falter in my voice. "Why did you come here from Alaska?" I quickly asked, before he could catch me in my lie or ask another personal question to which there was no answer he could ever hear.

Edward was a few strides ahead of me, and he turned left toward the ice cream shop before I even had a chance to tell him to turn. Apparently he wasn't quite as uninformed as he said he was.

He sounded more subdued when he answered this time. "We were staying with – well, taking care of – my grandmother. She had lung problems and my grandfather died a long time ago. I only met him a couple times, in the hospital. She couldn't travel though, so we went to her. She's gone now," he stopped short, staring ahead through the sidewalk at something intangible there.

There was a long pause in which we walked in silence. "I'm...sorry," I finally said, when it began to feel like it was my turn to say something. I didn't know how to sound apologetic, and I hadn't ever needed to until now. "What about your friends, though? Is it very difficult for you?"

"No," he answered. His tone was perfectly clear; he was not lying. "My best friends have always been my family. Emmett, and Alice, and Jasper in particular. And they all tagged along." He grinned at me suddenly, and I looked up to meet his intense gaze. I smiled back timidly. I could hear his heart beats speeding up slightly as my eyes bored themselves into his vibrant green ones.

"It's right over here," I said shakily, looking away, as we approached the pleasant store. The bell on the door rang welcomingly as we walked through the door. Edward was confident, for a human, not to be overcome by his instincts and shy away from me.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked politely.

"Oh, no. I'm fine," I responded too quickly.

"Are you sure?" he asked, maybe a little disappointed.

"Yes. I'm really not hungry. I had a big lunch." I hoped that would satisfy him. It appeared to.

"Okay. I'll just have chocolate ice cream, then. No cone, please," he said to the clerk there dejectedly. I felt bad that I upset him, but not bad enough that I would force down a whole ice cream while maintaining a conversational attitude. Definitely not that bad.

We walked back in silence, for the most part, contemplating everything the other had said.

When we got back to the parking lot, Edward turned to me. "Will you sit with us at lunch tomorrow?" he asked. His eyes locked with mine, and again I felt the tingle of emotion. This time I couldn't hold it back completely, though, and I answered without thinking.

"Sure. I guess. Okay. Sure," I answered, smiling uncertainly. His face lifted at my response.

"'Kay, great! See you tomorrow, then, Bella!" he said, his voice getting louder as he started off in the opposite direction toward his car.

As the space in which he had stood was filled with air, I noticed the change in scent, and I realized his had been in my head so it hadn't been as prominent. He had a clean, crisp scent, like pine needles, but not quite as musty. Pleasant, I decided.

It was not until I reached my car until I realized what I had just agreed to. Eating lunch with him and his family. _Eating _lunch. A predicament. It was too much for my brain to take in at the moment, so I began to drive home and decided to deal with it later.


	5. Waiting

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Ch. 5 - Waiting

I spent the drive home thinking about Edward. The way he talked to me made me feel...human. Most people's nervousness and discomfort to be around me was a constant reminder of who I was. What I was. But Edward's openness and calmness made me almost forget that for those few short minutes I was with him. I liked him. And I realized that I wanted him to like me. I accepted that. I would consider him an experiment. An experiment to see how bad it would be to have a friend. How much it would hurt. But also how good it could be. How much happiness I could take from the experience. I would compare the good and the bad, and see which was stronger. This is what I decided on the drive home.

As soon as I was inside, I darted up the stairs to my room. I grabbed a pen, got my homework out of my backpack, and sat down to begin. It all took a couple of seconds. In a matter of minutes, all the homework was done.

I had a long afternoon ahead of me with nothing to do. As usual. Charlie wouldn't be home for a few more hours, so I took a book off my well-stocked bookcase and ran deep into the forest in the backyard. Here in the midst of the trees and dirt and moss, I felt small and at one with the world and myself. I did not feel rushed here. Slowly, for me, anyway, I began to read.

Books made me understand humans. Sympathize with them. Despite all the anger and violence they felt, they were able to love so ardently. So powerfully. And yet, human love seemed so fragile. Everything that was created was able to be shattered so easily. Maybe that was what made it so appealing: the knowledge that what you had was so special, so rare, so impossible, and yet it was yours. For that one moment, that one instant, it was yours to keep.

Soon after I started reading I heard Charlie return. I jogged back to the house to greet him. He walked in the door, took off his gun belt, and smiled at me.

"Hey, Bells," he said.

"Hard day at work?" I asked teasingly.

"Not for everyone else," he replied. I looked into his eyes. They were black.

"You need to hunt," I said, stating the obvious.

"Yes. Tonight," he agreed. "Will you be okay? I was thinking of going up north-"

"Charlie, we've been doing this for eighty years. I'll be fine. I always have. You worry too much," I grumbled. Well, not worry so much as be protective. That was his strongest human trait, the one that was even strengthened after he became what he is now. Protectiveness.

It made for a great police officer, though. Along with his other traits, the ones we all have. Speed, strength, a sense of smell which told you who was at a certain place and where they went. And, for him, protectiveness of his city and everyone in it. He wanted everyone to be safe.

As for me, I brought unexpectedness. Unpredictability. I usually did the last thing you would expect me to.

That night I sat in my room. Time passes differently for us than it does for humans. We feel time faster. It means less to us. Time is the closest thing we have to sleep.

The next morning, after I got dressed and ready for school, Edward drifted into my thoughts again. I remembered my promise to sit with him at lunch. I felt something in the pit of my stomach threatening to escape, but I was able to maintain my focus. I wanted to see him again. To see if he would treat me the same again. I hoped he would. It was completely irrational. The first five periods breezed by, and as soon as the 11:50 bell rang I jumped up from my seat and anxiously tried to stay at a human pace. It was not easy.

It was utterly ridiculous. I had only known him one day. We still had the rest of the year. There was no rush.

I picked up my pace and continued in the direction of the cafeteria.


	6. Lunch

Ch

Ch. 6 – Lunch

As I entered the cafeteria, I had to do a reality check. I had to get in control of myself and my emotions, because I was right on the verge of losing it. If I was to act casual, I couldn't be bouncing off the walls and letting comments like, "Eww. Food," slip through.

"Relax, Bella," I told myself quietly over the loud thunder of hundreds of hungry humans pushing and shoving to try to move up a few inches in line for their food.

As soon as I got my beef patty and french fries, I scanned the room for Edward's face. It didn't take me long to find. I made my way over to his table and sat down next to him. We sat in silence until one of his brothers joined us.

"Hey, Bella! What's up?" He greeted me cheerfully.

"Uh...not really anything. What about you...umm..." I trailed off, realizing I didn't know his name. Come to think of it, I'd never met him; why should he know mine?

"Emmett," Edward informed me.

"Thanks. Emmett," I said, completing my thought.

But then, a woman came and joined us. A breathtakingly beautiful blonde woman. I wondered for a split second if she was a vampire, but I could hear her heart beating and I could see her blue eyes. Definitely human. But even so, she could've put some vampires to shame.

"Hey, Rose, my girl, we've been waiting for you! This is the elusive Bella," said Emmett as they exchanged a look. I didn't understand the look or the comment, but Edward looked down abashedly. "Bella, this is Rosalie, my girlfriend."

"Hi," I said, smiling shyly. She smiled back coldly. I looked around the table waiting for someone to say something, but no one did. The silence began to become uncomfortable. Emmett, Rosalie, and Edward were all looking down at the table. I felt like I should say something, but I had nothing interesting to say. I racked my brain for any insignificant detail to bring up, but it was unnecessary.

A small figure with cropped black hair and an excited grin came bouncing toward us.

"You must be Bella," she exclaimed, "It's so nice to meet you. I'm Alice, by the way. Edward's sister. Well, kind of sister. Not by blood, but we've always thought of it that way." She took the seat between me and Rosalie. "You know, it's so nice to finally meet you. We've been hearing about you," she sang. I looked curiously at Edward, but he was looking away toward the line for food.

Just then, a tall, lean frame with blond hair appeared behind Alice.

"Hmm. Nowhere for me to sit. I'll go get a chair," he said. I instantly felt bad for taking his chair.

"That's Jasper, by the way," said Alice, filling me in, "He's my boyfriend. We've been together for, how long is it? I don't know. A long time. But anyway, we-"

"Uh, Alice?" Edward began.

"Wait," interrupted Alice, putting her hands up and closing her eyes, "Let me guess. Jasper is standing behind me waiting for me to stop talking so he can come sit down."

"Yep," said Jasper approvingly.

"Care to join us?" she asked playfully. She scooted her chair towards me so that he could sit between her and Rosalie.

"Jasper, this is Bella. She's in my Biology class," Edward told him.

"Hi, Bella. Nice to meet you," he murmured.

"Hi, Jasper," I answered. I looked around the room for something to do with my eyes.

"So Bella," began Alice, her mouth already full of a hamburger, "You're, what, eighteen?"

"According to my driver's license," I answered truthfully.

"What are you interested in? For a career?" she asked. Her question threw me off guard; whatever I had been expecting, it had not been that.

"Umm...well...I don't really know. I haven't given it much thought." It was the best I could do.

"Well, what do you like to do?" she pressed.

"I guess...I like to read. Maybe I'll become an author." I hoped that would satisfy her, but I decided to play it safe. "What about all of you? Have you decided yet?" I asked.

"Fashion designer," said Alice, grinning.

"I honestly have no idea what I'll do," said Edward.

"Liar," commented Emmett.

"Music. Anything with music," added Jasper.

"Edward is very musical. He plays the piano," translated Alice.

Rosalie just sat there.

"Really? That's interesting. I like music. Almost as much as books," I said as I smiled warmly at him. He smiled back.

"Yeah, I guess I will, maybe, probably," he agreed.

Everybody started laughing then. Even Rosalie, who had seemed distant from the conversation before, joined in.

"What kind of music do you play?" I asked him.

"Well, I mostly write stuff. I could write you a song, if you'd like," he said, grinning at me.

I laughed. "Wow, I've never had a song written for me. Sure," I said, and I laughed again. Edward smiled back with an unfathomable expression.

"Aren't you hungry, Bella?" Jasper asked then. Ruining the moment. Even if they didn't realize it. I'd forgotten to come up with reasons why I wouldn't be eating lunch the night before; I had to come up with an excuse, and fast.

"Umm...not really. I don't really like the beef patties. Or french fries. I had a big breakfast." I hoped that would appease them, but Rosalie looked dissatisfied. She eyed me suspiciously. I moved food around on my plate with the fork for effect. "So, what did everyone do last summer?" I asked, hoping to move the conversation onto safer topics.

As they – well, mostly Alice – began a day-by-day description about the different places in Europe they had gone such as the beautiful and ancient cities in Italy and old cathedrals with expansive stained-glass windows, I found myself enveloped in the stories and I was genuinely interested to hear more. Questions came easily to me, and I was grateful for everyone's kindness. I understood that it was difficult for them to be around someone like me. They were able to conceal their discomfort well, for the most part. I learned more and more about each of them, their character, who they were as people, until I began feeling like I had known them all my life.

I almost didn't notice as the bell rang signaling the end of lunch. I wanted to stay and hear more stories, but I threw out the chopped up bits of hamburger patty. I noticed Rosalie watching me with a worried expression, but she got her books together and left, after throwing me one more unhappy glance. Jasper and Alice set off toward the gym, and Edward and I had Biology again.

I continued my questioning with him on the way to the lab, and he showed no sign of wanting to stop. I asked him about his early life, his childhood pets, his favorite games.

"This is hardly fair, Bella, I haven't gotten the chance to ask you any," he said while pretending to pout when we reached the door of the classroom.

I was still laughing as I opened the door and realized we were late. Everyone – including Mr. Banner – was looking at me with a shocked expression. I didn't care; I felt good. My mood was completely out of control, and this time I made no attempts to restrain it.


	7. Restless

Ch

Ch. 7 – Restless

During Biology class, I kept peeking sideways at Edward and trying not to giggle when I realized he was doing the same. I almost didn't notice when a gust of wind blew through the door and ruffled his hair. I could smell his blood, pulsing hot and wet under his thin layers of skin. I tasted excess venom in the back of my throat, and I immediately became serious again and looked toward Mr. Banner. I would have to go out and hunt again as soon as Charlie returned.

I drove home in a buoyant mood. I didn't know myself anymore, the person I had become. Who was she? I had no idea, but I didn't care. I liked her so much more than who I had been before.

My life had turned into the books I read. The only difference was that it was real. Having friends. People who like you for who you are, not just your external beauty. People who treat you like everyone else because they don't know better. And I was not about to change that.

I darted inside, grabbed a book, and sprinted deep into the forest. But I didn't read it. Instead I lay down on the soft dirt and stared up at the green canopy above me decorating the edges of the vast blue sky. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting the air fill up my lungs.

I don't know how long I lay there. Edward drifted in and out of my thoughts, and after a while I could've sworn the inside of my eyelids turned vivid green.

I began to question all his actions. Why was he being so kind to me? Did he really truly like me? Was it just my beauty that appealed to him? Or was he just being considerate to someone who was sitting alone and didn't appear to have any friends? Why wasn't he listening to his instincts and staying away from me?

How long would this friendship last?

I needed to know. Everything. Even my ability to sit patiently as time passed quickly didn't help. I quickly became restless. I had to know why. Why so many things. It actually became a physical pain: lack of knowledge. The pain overcame me.

Without thinking twice, I began to run. I would follow his scent. I had no idea what this would achieve, but I had to see him. As if that would help me find the answers to my questions.

"What's the big rush? Why do I care so much what he thinks? What could possibly be making me feel so urgent?" I mused as I ran. I felt like I was missing something obvious, something that I should've realized by now, something that I already subconsciously knew but I did not fully comprehend. The ground slipped by under my feet as I traced his scent down a long road, a long driveway, and I kept running.


	8. Urgency

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Ch. 8 – Urgency

As I ran up a long driveway I began to get more and more anxious. What was I doing? What did I expect? I didn't know.

Suddenly, a huge three story mansion appeared around a bend in the road. The white paint was peeling and it looked archaic, but it had a welcoming charm to it. It looked like one of the old houses you'd see in a picture taken before the Civil War.

I could really smell him now: Edward, not just the trail he left behind. He was somewhere upstairs in the back of the house. I quietly jogged around to the backyard, invisible next to the background of the dark forest. My feet made matched the sound of the rain falling on the wet grass.

I saw a light now through a third story window, and I could barely make out a dark figure. I climbed up the side of the house, using the paneling on the side of the house as handholds. It was slippery from the rain, but I made it up easily. I just barely peeked inside to see the inside of the room.

It looked very warm. Edward was sitting on his bed, and Rosalie was standing near the door uncomfortably.

I listened closer and heard Edward talking. "-is completely absurd. What do you mean-"

"I mean there's something not normal about her," interrupted Rosalie. Edward looked confused.

"Did you notice the way she didn't eat anything?" Rosalie continued. "She moved it around and chopped it up, but she never ate any. And then when Jasper asked her why she wasn't eating she gave a half-answer and she was clearly very uncomfortable. And I'm getting this strange premonition to stay away from her. You feel that too, don't you?"

"No, I-" began Edward defensively, but again he was interrupted.

"Don't try to lie, Edward, you know you're a bad liar. I think she's hiding something," finished Rosalie.

"Look, Rose, you're making a big deal out of this. So she wasn't hungry one day. That doesn't mean anything. And as for your 'premonition,' I have no idea what you're talking about. Unless you're planning on going into the field of astrology, you shouldn't make judgments about people because of what the stars say or what their spirit is telling you or what aura you're getting from them. And if you are planning to, good for you. But I, personally, don't believe in any of that stuff. So feel free to have your own opinions about Bella, but just don't share them."

"I don't like her, Edward," Rosalie said, shaking her head slowly.

"And I think you've made that pretty clear," added Edward coldly. "But I like her and I'm not ending our relationship over her lack of hunger one day."

Rosalie stood there for a second, looking unconvinced, but she turned gracefully and left the room unhappily.

Edward stood up to shut the door, and he walked back to his bed muttering something like, "strange premonition." He snorted and shook his head disdainfully. I felt slightly warmer in my chest. He picked up a book and began to read. I watched him for a while, smiling affectionately. He was not in his room anymore; he was in some other world, some other place, far away from his own problems. They could not reach him where he was now. And only he knew where that was. Eventually, though, he turned off the light and went to sleep.

I stayed where I was for a while, staring into space. I could not get my muscles to loosen, my fingers to retract themselves from the side of the house. Finally, though, I forced myself to move, and I scrambled down the house with a grunt.

I jogged back home, not nearly as urgent as before. I had some things to think about and figure out.

It appeared to me like he was telling the truth when he said he liked me. But how could I be sure? He was human, how did I know he wasn't going to change his mind tomorrow?

And, a question even more troubling than what he felt, why did _I _care? Why did it matter to me what some human boy thinks of me? As long as he's treating me nicely, why should I care what he felt? What did I _want _him to feel? I wanted him to like me, but to what extent? That was obvious. Or, at least, it should have been.

I froze in my tracks as the glaring truth that had eluded me before finally became clear.


	9. Epiphany

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Ch. 9 - Epiphany

No. It couldn't be possible. It simply couldn't be possible.

I sprinted as fast as I could in a wide loop through the woods around me to clear my mind. I hoped the crisp air would refresh my mind and bring me back to reality. It didn't.

_But it's just purely impossible_, I kept repeating to myself. I had never heard of anything like this before. So it didn't make sense that it should be happening now. Happening to me.

Was it possible that I was in love with Edward Cullen?

The reasonable part of my brain answered with an immediate and firm _no_. And yet, his name echoed on and on in my ears. His eyes followed mine, keeping watch over me, a reference point for everything else. His pine-needle scent seemed to be overlaying all others. He was part of the trees around me. He was everywhere.

But he was human. And I was not. We were different species. None of it made any sense.

I sank down onto the wet ground and rested my forehead on my knees. I sat there for a long time, not moving, thinking about Edward. I didn't know what I believed anymore. I was briefly grateful for the fact that Charlie was gone; I didn't want to have to explain this to him. Not yet.

I thought back to all the books I'd read; the things that had originally helped me understand humans. From what I'd read, I'd gotten the impression that love was not something formed by reason. It was often illogical, it rarely made sense, and it was completely uncontrollable. You couldn't _decide _who to love or who not to love; love just picked out two random people and bound them together. That was a good way to describe it: random. Love was random and found in unexpected places. And I, the queen of unexpectedness, would have the most unexpected love of all. That, at least, made some sense.

But what about Edward? I may have loved him, but I had no idea of his feelings for me. No matter what, though, I knew we could not be together. I felt a stab of pain very close to my unmoving heart. Just because it doesn't beat doesn't mean it can't ache. But there was no way I would ever put Edward in that kind of danger. And I was dangerous. His well-being was the most important thing. That meant two things: one, we couldn't be together, and two, any friendly feelings he already had toward me had to be halted. He couldn't be at the risk of falling in love with me, because it would only cause him more pain. My pain didn't matter anymore.

Or did it?

This was _my _life, not his. I should be able to find happiness the way I wanted to. Was that so wrong? Was it so wrong for me to want to be happy? No, of course not.

But I knew that it would not bring me happiness to have him in danger. One wrong movement and he could be dead. I cringed away from the idea. And worse than knowing that he was dead would be knowing that I had been the one to do it; I would've been able to prevent it so easily. Plus, I couldn't touch him, hold his hand even, without revealing what I was. And that would ruin everything. Edward Cullen could never know that I am a vampire. Then I would lose everything: not only his friendship but the whole life Charlie and I had created for ourselves here. The Volturi would have no choice but to interfere. That much I knew for certain.

I forced myself to get up, my legs to propel myself forward. Each step they caught me before I could fall over kept pushing me forward. By the time I got home the sun was close to rising. I sat out front on the porch and watched it slowly appear out from the horizon. For one moment I could've sworn I felt the Earth spinning. Spinning out from under me. Causing me to lose my footing and fall to the depths of the universe. A trap from which there was no escape. The sun rose higher and higher into the sky, and I walked inside and changed from my muddy clothing to something slightly more conventional for being in public.

Slowly, I got my backpack ready for school and made my way to the car. Each step I felt like I was walking forward to meet an enemy. I had no idea how to do what I needed to.

All I knew was that I was in love with Edward Cullen and we could never be together. And I now had to tell him goodbye forever.


	10. Denial

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

**Please read and review! Thanks!! By the way, just so you all know, I like criticism. Criticism is helpful. As long as it's constructive criticism, not like "The only way to fix this story is to put me in it and make me end up with Edward." That kind of stuff - not so much. But hey, if that's what you really think, go for it. Just please tell me what you honestly think of it - that's what helps the most. Thanks everyone again for reading!! And now I'll bring my rant to a close and give you the chapter. Rant is now officially over.**

Ch. 10 – Denial

I drove slower than usual, grateful to drag out every second. There was not enough traffic, and I arrived at school too early. Time seemed to be rushing by me at a million miles per hour.

Edward was not in any of my classes before lunch. It seemed like I had just arrived at school when the lunch bell rang. The person that I was had seemed to be constantly changing in the past few days, and today was no different. My mood walking down the hallway toward the cafeteria this time was wildly different from how it had been the day before. Before I had looked at the open cafeteria doors as a symbol of light; today they were a symbol of despair; I felt like I was knowingly walking into a trap. An inevitable end. But I didn't have a choice. I had to.

After I got my lunch I quickly decided not to initiate a conversation to tell him what I was doing. I would go over to my corner and hope he got the message.

I looked over toward his table and saw the whole family laughing and smiling. They looked so happy and carefree. Like I never could be. How I craved it.

I picked up a book, but I didn't read it. I was looking through it, looking at nothing. Suddenly someone spoke. Not someone. I would never forget that voice.

"Hi," greeted Edward.

I nodded stiffly in his direction. I couldn't talk yet. Edward seemed somewhat taken aback at my response, but he continued.

"Do you want to come sit with us again?" he asked hopefully. I couldn't bear to look into his mesmerizing green eyes again. The knowledge that I loved him changed the way I looked at everything he did. The way I perceived it. The pain overwhelmed me.

"No," I barely managed to choke out. Every inch of me was going against what my mouth was saying.

"Oh," he said, sounding hurt. "Did I do something...to offend you?"

I shook my head frantically, not knowing whether or not I could speak. He couldn't blame this on himself. He was the last person at fault. I couldn't bear for him to feel guilty.

"I guess I'll just sit here, then," he followed up. I didn't trust myself to speak enough to tell him not to, and I also don't think I would've had that kind of strength even if my voice was fine.

He walked across the room to get his lunch and came to sit beside me. I didn't pretend to read anymore, and I didn't pretend to eat. What was the use? I was tired of pretending. I just sat there, drowning in misery. We stayed like that in silence for a while. Finally, he broke it.

"Rosalie's got it in her mind that there's something wrong with you. Because of accumulation of things. Violent mood swings included," he said, suddenly grinning at me. It didn't touch his eyes. I didn't return it.

"She thinks I should stay away from you. Maybe she's right. But I just can't...find it in myself to do it. To say goodbye to you. I like you, Bella. I like you a lot." His eyes confirmed his every word he said. There was no way to doubt him. I felt like I was being sucked into them, and when I thought I might be completely overcome, I looked away.

"This is wrong," I muttered hopelessly.

"What's wrong?" he asked with concern. Suddenly he looked chagrined. "Do you...not...feel the same way?"

"No, I...well, I..," I attempted at a coherent response. How was I supposed to answer that? "No, that's not what I was talking about. It's just that...I don't want you to feel that way. You should stay away from me. Please do. I can't...bear it. Please." By the end I was begging.

"What can't you bear?" he asked, looking confused.

"I can't...tell you," I answered after coming up blank with an excuse. Whatever Edward had been expecting, it had not been this. "Rosalie was right. There is something...wrong with me, I guess you could say." I laughed humorlessly.

"Let me guess," said Edward teasingly, trying to lighten the mood, "You suffer from violent mood swings."

I smiled weakly and shook my head. "I wish you wouldn't."

"Why?" he asked, puzzled.

"Because what if you guess right?" I told him, attempting to smile again. Edward puzzled over this as somebody ran by. The breeze ruffled his hair, and my throat responded. It had gotten noticeably worse today. I needed to hunt. I sighed, and Edward looked at me curiously.

I was causing him pain. I had failed. It was too late. He was just human, though, and he would get over it. But at what cost to him? What pain would he have to go through to get there?

I had been able to leave him when I thought it was just my suffering. I could've borne the pain. But could I do it again with the knowledge that I would also be causing him to suffer, too? Causing him pain? I didn't know. I knew what I wanted and I knew what was morally right. The two didn't coincide. There was no answer to make everything right.

There had to be a third factor. Stronger that either of the first two. Desire and morals could continue their argument for as long as they wanted to, but what would ultimately decide? I had to be overlooking some obvious answer. I intuitively knew that.

Edward stared at me with expectant eyes.


	11. Song

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

**Please read and review! Thanks!! Again, criticism is _good. _As in _helpful. _As in _if there's anything wrong with it you can tell me so that I can learn from my mistakes and you can enrich your reading experience because next time I'll know what's wrong and I'll fix it in the next one so it won't be there anymore. _**

**And yes, I did say, "enrich your reading experience."**

Ch. 11 – Song

I stared into his scorching green eyes for a moment, then looked down. Edward moved to put his hand on mine, and I realized a second too late. I held my breath and suddenly felt a spot of warmth which spread up and down my arm. It felt good. Edward blinked in surprise at the temperature of my hand, but didn't move his away. I wanted to stay there, to stay with him, to lean in and be blanketed in warmth. So, I pulled my hand out from under his and sighed.

"Could I just have some time to think?" I asked in a weak voice.

"Okay," he said cautiously, "Do you want me to go away?"

"I...that would be best," I answered, refining his question. It was not true that I wanted him to leave, but it was what I needed. I wanted to tell the truth as best as I could.

Edward began to walk away, and I dropped my head into my hands. All was lost. All hope of happiness. Gone forever.

"Bella?" he asked quietly. I peeked out from between my fingers. He had come back.

"Yes?" I mumbled in response.

"Here," he murmured, holding out a small rectangular object. When I made no move to take it, he set it on the bench next to me.

"I promised you this, so here it is. It's not very good. I just put it together quickly last night. It's just a rough edit." He paused, staring at me for a moment, then left again. When he was gone, I removed my hands from my face and picked up the thing he had just given me. What promise had he ever made me?

It was a box. I opened it, and inside was a CD with the words, "For Bella," written on the front in elegant script. I stared at it longingly for a moment, and I gently laid it in the safest part of my backpack.

The rest of the day flew by. I drove home faster than usual, eager to hear Edward's CD. My song. I carefully removed it from its box and placed it in the stereo.

Suddenly, the whole room came alive. Music was everywhere, surrounding me, filling me up. I had never heard a piano sounding so dense and complete. Even through the complex harmonies, though, I could follow a melody. It was all so beautiful. If it were possible for me to cry, I know I would've been tearing up. This was a rough edit? That was hard to believe.

I lay on the ground, playing it over and over. I could imagine Edward sitting at the piano, playing with melodies until he found one he liked, working on it and building it, setting up a microphone and recording it. I could hear his personality in the music. I don't know how many times I played it.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't stay away from him. I had to see him. I glanced at the clock; it was eight o'clock. That wasn't too late.

Without thinking about what I was doing, I began to run. At first I just ran in circles to clear my mind, but I soon found myself running along a path, in a particular direction. I knew where I was headed. My body had made the decision before my mind did, but now both were convinced.

I didn't need to find his scent this time; I remembered the way there from before. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say or find, but my mind didn't really process that. I didn't have enough logic left to make rational decisions.

Soon I spotted the long driveway and I felt something new. Fear. What was there to be afraid of? I laughed quietly to myself. How ironic. Of everyone here, I, the vampire, am afraid of the humans. It was too late to change my mind, though. I was already at the front porch ringing the bell. But I don't think I would've changed my mind anyway.

I took a deep breath to prepare myself for whatever I would find, and the door swung open.


	12. Tour

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

**Please read and review! Thanks!! And again, and yes, I will keep saying this, criticism!! I mean, for Pete's sake, tell me I stink or something! It _isn't _perfect, so please give me tips on how I can get closer to there. But anyway, thanks again for reading! Y'all rock.**

Ch 12 – Tour

A medium-sized woman with wavy, brown hair and a kind face appeared behind the door. I figured she must be Esme.

"Hi. Can I help with anything?" she asked warmly.

"Yeah. Is Edward here?" I asked, failing to maintain a calm attitude. Esme looked slightly worried.

"Yes, I'll go get him," she answered. She walked away after smiling at me again. A second later I heard her call, "Edward?" from further away. I didn't hear his answer, but Esme must've because a minute later I heard a shuffling of feet and Edward's face appeared in front of me. All weight was lifted off of me, all pressure removed. He looked surprised.

"Oh, hi, Bella," he said, confused. When I didn't respond, he said, "Did you need anything?"

"This song," I began, not knowing how to finish. A look of comprehension flashed across his face. "It's incredible. Thank you." I didn't know what expression was on my face.

"Incredible" didn't even begin to cover it, but I couldn't think of anything else to say. There was so much that I couldn't focus in on one thing. Completely overwhelmed.

"Oh. Thanks. It's not that good, though. There's a bunch of mistakes still," he admitted modestly.

"It's...it's beautiful. If there were mistakes I couldn't tell. Thank you," I repeated. His face looked so vulnerable at the moment, so endearing. I wanted to hold him, to protect him. But it was me he needed protection against.

"You're welcome. Would you like to come inside?" he asked cheerfully.

"I...uh, sure. Okay," I answered uncomfortably. He smiled at me crookedly, and I could've sworn I felt my heart thump unsteadily in my chest for a moment. I returned his smile.

Edward opened the door wider and I walked inside. The room I stood in was wide and open, lined with huge windows that stretched from the floor to the ceiling. Everything was white: the walls, the carpet, and even the grand piano in the corner of the room.

"Wow," I murmured. Edward smiled. It was almost a smirk.

I walked over to the piano, hesitant to touch it for fear I would break it. It looked very fragile. Edward walked over and sat down on the bench. He ran his fingers over the keys.

"Can you play something?" I asked eagerly. He rolled his eyes, but sat up straighter and stuck his hands out in a silly way, making a display of getting ready to play. I laughed freely.

Suddenly, I was surrounded by music again. I recognized it immediately as my song, and my jaw dropped open. It was, if possible, even better than before. It sounded so genuine, hearing it first-hand this time. Not just a recording, the actual thing. I heard footsteps, and Emmett appeared around the corner.

"Hey, Edward," he began, sounding a touch annoyed. Edward stopped playing. "How many times are you going to play-" Emmett stopped short, seeing me standing next to the bench.

"Oh," he started, taken aback. "Oh. Hi, Bella. I'll give you two some room," he said with a suggestive smile, and slowly backed up around the corner with his hands up.

Edward rolled his eyes and stood up, gesturing for me to follow him.

"Enough of that, I'll show you the rest of the house now," he said, as I followed him up the staircase.


	13. Indulgence

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

**Give me a C! _C! _Give me an R! _R! _Give me an I! _I!_ Give me a T! _T!_ Give me an ICISM! _ICISM! _Kudos to xeongoddess who gave me some. Thanks. And also, thanks to everyone who commented...you guys are great. Very...happy-making. And, for that matter, thanks to _everyone _who reads this! It's, like, really interesting - there's people from all over the world. Like, New Zealand and India and Germany Which is like _totally _cool!! So just...thanks. To everyone who is reading this. I will now stop ranting about this stuff and give you the story now. I get kinda carried away sometimes. So...voila! _Author waves her magic wand and story magically appears._**

Ch. 13 – Indulgence

I followed Edward upstairs to the second floor. He showed me everyone's bedrooms and offices. Finally, we got to the third floor.

"This is my bedroom," announced Edward. I feigned innocent surprise as we walked inside. I already knew exactly what it looked like. Still, though, it was different to look at it from the outside and actually be in it.

"Wow!" exclaimed as I stared at the wall of CD's lining one side of his room. "Where did you get all these?" His wall of CD's reminded me of my wall of books in my room. Edward shrugged.

"I collect CD's. I like oldies," he explained. I smiled as I interpreted his words differently than he had meant them.

Edward strolled over and grabbed a box from the CD rack. He placed it in a stereo which I hadn't noticed before, and suddenly there was music all around me. It was very soft, but it was still everywhere, coming at me from all directions. It was a slow jazz number.

"Surround sound?" I asked, impressed.

"Yeah," he affirmed with a sheepish smile. "Kind of indulgent, I know."

"It sounds so good," I murmured, disregarding his last comment.

"Yeah, well, I figure we all get our own little moments of indulgence. Some people get fancy cars or get fancy clothes," he snorted, thinking, I'm sure, of Alice. "I get a fancy stereo system," he continued.

"And I get now," I muttered. "Pretty indulgent, I'd say." I laughed humorlessly.

"Why is this indulgent?" asked Edward sadly.

"Because...for a bunch of reasons." I said dismissively. "But let's not talk about that. As long as I'm having my moment of indulgence, I might as well enjoy it as thoroughly as I can."

"Okay," said Edward cautiously. I sighed. Suddenly, his face lifted. He seemed to be taking the hint. "Do you want to play chess, then?" I laughed. He really was taking this to heart.

"Sure," I said, accepting his challenge, adding a feisty, "You're on."

"We'll see how well you can take defeat," he teased.

"In your dreams," I retorted.

He stood up and purposefully walked over to his closet and reached up to grab an elegant glass chess set. My eyes widened. Edward walked back and set it down between us, wearing a businesslike face I hadn't seen before. I giggled. We quickly set up the pieces.

"White moves first, Bella," he explained, gesturing for me to begin.


	14. Uncomfortable

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

**Please read and review! Thanks!! As usual, flames, criticism. Yay. Good. Mis amigos. And sorry I haven't updated in a while; I've been kinda busy. A bunch of stuff. To answer caww's question, Bella was saying that it was indulgent for her to be spending this time with him, a human, just because she loves him. She knows that she should be putting the humans' safety first, but she's not. Edward is sad because he doesn't want her to feel like she shouldn't be spending time with him. I'll try to be clearer next time.**

**And, may I just say, Breaking Dawn. Wow. There's a b****unch of stuff that I could say, but I'm not going to because I don't want to give anything away for anyone who hasn't read it yet. Wow. That's all I'll say. Wow.  
**

Ch. 14 – Uncomfortable

I had pretty much no chess background, and on top of that, Edward seemed to be an expert. Needless to say, the game didn't last very long. After about fifteen minutes of intense concentration, Edward finally cracked a smile.

"Checkmate. I win."

"But you didn't win yet," I pointed out, brow furrowed.

"Yes, but there's nowhere you can move to protect yourself. That's what checkmate means." He laughed, as I only became more confused. "Wow, Bella. How long has it been since you last played chess?"

Seventy years. "A while." Ten years after my transformation we had come across another coven who we had stayed with for a while, and they were particularly fond of chess. I didn't think I'd played the game since then.

"Well, at least I couldn't follow your train of thought. I had no idea what you were planning, which was good. Your moves were completely unexpected," he said, trying to make me feel better about my lack of chess skills.

"Yeah, I've been known to be like that every now and then," I mumbled. "But that was probably because there wasn't any train of thought." Edward laughed.

He suddenly looked at me and stopped laughing. His eyes bored themselves into mine, drowning me in them and yet burning me at the same time. We sat like that for an immeasurable amount of time. I realized I had stopped breathing, though I didn't know whether that was from Edward's gaze or the scent of all the humans around. Maybe both.

"Come on, let's go downstairs. We can get a snack or something," Edward finally offered, reaching his hand out for mine.

"Um..." I trailed off, not knowing what to follow up with. I looked absently at my watch.

"Oh," said Edward, dropping his hand. "It's getting late, isn't it? Do you need to go home?"

"No," I assured him, "Charlie's not home tonight." Edward burst out laughing, and I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean." He kept laughing, though, as I stood up and walked out the door with him. He reached for my hand, and I didn't protest. His fingers started chafing against my skin, trying to warm me up.

We walked, hand in hand, into the kitchen, to the surprise of all his brothers and sisters. Emmett sat on the table with a bag of potato chips in his lap. Rosalie stood next to him, glaring at me coldly. Alice was sitting on a stool at the counter. Jasper was leaning casually against the wall. They all froze to look at us as we came in. I suddenly felt uncomfortable. After what seemed like an eternity, Alice broke the silence.

"Want anything to eat, Bella?"

"No thanks," I replied as casually as I could, feeling uncomfortable as I remembered Rosalie's suspicions about me. Her eyes narrowed as I said this. She turned subtly to Edward and raised her eyebrows. He glared back in response. I ignored this whole exchange.

"How late are you planning to stay here, Bella?" asked Rosalie pointedly. Emmett gently elbowed her. I realized that I must be invading on their space, and was immediately chagrined.

"Not much longer, I should go now. I'm sorry," I said apologetically.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Bella," contradicted Edward, fire blazing in his eyes. Probably remembering, I was sure, how I'd just said I didn't need to leave.

"Yeah, you can stick around for as long as you want," Alice piped up.

"That's really okay," I said, my eyes on an uncomfortable Rosalie. When Alice's face fell, I added a quick, "Maybe some other time." Rosalie's lips tightened into a rigid line at this. I sighed. It was impossible to please them all at once. "Thanks, it was nice to see you again. Bye."

"Bye, Bella," chimed Alice.

"See you later," said Emmett with a potato chip in his mouth.

"Goodbye," said Jasper.

Rosalie, predictably, didn't say anything.

Edward walked me to the door, not letting go of my hand. "Sorry about her," he muttered, not needing to clarify who he was talking about. "She doesn't get it." I wanted to ask him about this last comment. What didn't she get? But he kept talking. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, then. At lunch. Same spot as yesterday. Okay?" School. I'd completely forgotten.

"Yeah, okay. Bye."

"Bye," he murmured, staring into my eyes.

We stared at each other for another second, neither one wanting to leave the other, until I unwillingly sighed and reached for the door to close it and head back home.


	15. AN

_**I'm sorry, **_**I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know. False alarm.**

**I just wanted to let you guys who actually read this that I'm going to be in Hawaii for the next week and a half, so I won't be updating. Just so you don't think I'm neglecting the story or ending it here or something, 'cause I'm not. I'm just sunbathing and zip lining and drinking yummy exotic fruity drinks.**

**And as long as I'm ranting on about stuff that's not the story, I might as well apologize for the...lack of alacrity in recent updates. Okay, I know I've been pretty slow. I'll try to be more on board with the Update-Often-And-Consistently program.**


	16. Unclear

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

**Please read and review! Thanks!! Okay, I know this is a short one, but there'll be longer ones later to make up for it. Criticism, comments, yada, yada, yada. The usual. You guys have this stuff down; I'm not going to bother repeating it for you.**

Ch. 15 – Unclear

I jogged home contemplatively. I had no idea who I was anymore, what I was doing. Had I decided to be with Edward? Was I trying to avoid him again? That would certainly be best for him, but would I be strong enough?

Of course, there was always the problem that he didn't know what he would be getting himself into. He didn't know what I was. It would be completely unfair to him if we got into a relationship only to find that I'm a bloodthirsty monster. And that wasn't a fact I was planning to disclose to him anytime soon.

But then, what? That meant I had to stay away from him. I had tried that, and I had failed. I hadn't lasted a day. How would I last an eternity? How could I last forever? The idea of being away from Edward for any significant period of time made me cringe away, made me feel so weak I wanted to keel over and never get up. Could I choose this option? Did what I wanted really matter in the long run? Could I let my desires stand in the way of what was morally right?

"Yes, I could," I mumbled to myself. But I knew the real question was not, "Could I?" but rather, "Would I?"

I didn't know. I wasn't ready to decide yet. Later, when the answer was more apparent, I would pick a choice and stick to it, but right now I wasn't at the point where I could be committing to anything.

Until I figured it out, though, we could stay friends. That much I decided.

I entered the house through the back door. Absently I glanced at myself in the mirror. My eyes were black now, with a hint of topaz in the very center. I sighed, knowing I would have to leave soon.

I lay down in the middle of the room and closed my eyes, picturing Edward in my mind. He was so young, so pure, so innocent. Exactly what I wasn't. I wanted him here. I wanted to hold him in my arms while lying in his. I wanted to caress his face, to affix myself to every part of him, to feel his warmth radiating out of him and penetrating all the way through me. I imagined it as I lay there, and it carried me through onto the next day.


	17. Blur

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

**Please read and review! Thanks!! Criticism is a friend. A good friend. Anyone who responds with criticism will get a virtual cookie. See? There's one right over there in cyberspace, waiting to be dropped in your virtual lap. All you have to do is reply. With criticism. And thanks, everyone who reads this. So without further ado, the chapter. Right there.**

Ch. 16 – Blur

The next two days flew by. I ate lunch with Edward in my little corner of the cafeteria. Whenever we had class together we threw each other secretive glances and I found it harder to concentrate of what we were learning. I knew the subject matter better than the teacher did, so I was fine, and Edward was getting straight A's too. Finally, I had to ask him.

"How do you know this stuff so well?"

He shrugged. "In Alaska I went to an accelerated school. We already covered this material."

I gazed at him searchingly for a second, and then shook my head slowly. He didn't seem to notice. That was the extent of our conversation.

On Thursday night, Charlie came home. I didn't mention my situation with Edward to him, but I think he noticed something was going on. He kept looking at me concernedly, but I pretended not to notice, and he never asked about my unusual behavior.

Everything happened in a blur. I was never quite comfortable, never quite settled. Every time a breeze blew past someone, I would feel a growing pain in my throat and I would have to work harder than usual to restrain my more primitive instincts. Every time I looked into Edward's peridot eyes I would feel a wave of emotion crashing down upon me and piercing through me. And every time I met Rosalie's hard glare I would feel uneasy and unsure of everything I was doing, and I would be reminded of what I was and why it would never work with Edward.

I had to get away.

Finally, the three o'clock bell rang on Friday indicating the end of the day. I called Charlie to tell him I was leaving to go hunting, and I began to get in my car, when I saw a tall figure standing next to me.

"Hi, Bella," murmured Edward.

"Hi," I responded, not meeting his eyes.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to the movies or have dinner with me this weekend."

"Oh," I began, feeling a mix of things. Thrilled, guilty, frustrated, unsure. "I'm actually going on a camping trip this weekend. I won't be back until late Sunday night. Maybe some other time," I added, to soften his disappointment.

"Oh, okay," he replied, somewhat subdued. "Bye, then."

"Bye. See you Monday."

"Yeah. Monday." He smiled at me crookedly, but it didn't touch his eyes. I met his sad smile with a matching one of my own. We stared into each other's eyes for a few seconds which felt like an eternity. I floated there, all the stress of the day forgotten. He looked so beautiful, and yet so fragile. I finally sighed and turned away.

As I drove further and further from him I felt like my heart was getting smaller and smaller. I had left it back there. I tried to concentrate on the drive, though. The forest was beautiful. After a couple hours, I found the area of forest which I had been looking for. It was completely deserted.

I parked, hopped out, and darted off into the forest, leaving the civilized creature I had been for the past few weeks back in the car.

**Don't forget about that virtual cookie, guys. :)**


	18. Eyes

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

**Please read and review! Thanks!! And you all probably already know what I'm going to say by now. Criticism. Flames. Insults. Just vent your anger on me. Like punching a pillow or something - just verbally. Well... virtually verbally I guess. However you'd say it. Don't sugar coat it. Keep your opinion seperate from the sugar, so I can eat the sugar without it being tainted by criticism. I like sugar. I like chocolate. I like criticism. But not all together. Like, would you eat mashed potatoes with chocolate syrup? No. Chocolate chip eggs? No. At least I hope not. For your sake.**

**I'm getting kinda very off topic.**

**But you get it.**

**Here's the chapter.**

Ch. 17 – Eyes

Another Monday. Another week I didn't know how to face, though for different reasons this time than ever before. I took a deep breath as I stepped out of my car and walked toward the mass of excited humans and their endless chatter, filled with dread and anticipation. Impatient anticipation.

It took a conscious effort to make my legs move at a human pace as I attempted to walk toward the biology room. I raced down the hallway, eagerly pushed open the door, and my eyes searched the room until they found the copper-brown mess of hair and pale complexion they had been looking for.

There he was, sitting in his usual spot. His beautiful shell reflected what was inside: all the kindness and care he treated everybody with. I wondered fleetingly if I could ever find a flaw in him.

I crossed the room to sit next to him, and smiled nonchalantly. He returned it with a crooked one of his own which took my breath away and made me forget what I was doing for a split-second. I remembered after a second to keep breathing. Stay in character. Don't show everyone up front that you're one of the walking dead.

Suddenly his expression turned to one of concern, and I cursed myself internally for acting so infatuated around him. _What must he think of me? _I wondered to myself.

"What happened to your eyes?" he asked, still wearing the same concerned face. Oh. That was the problem. I'd forgotten to come up with an explanation for that one.

"Umm...I...what do you mean?" I managed in response.

"Your eyes. They're yellowish. Like gold. They used to be black," he explained.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I responded, but my lie was apparent in my voice. Edward looked as if he was going to continue his questioning, but just then Mr. Banner cleared his throat and began class. Edward kept throwing me confused glances all throughout the class though. I pretended not to notice.

At lunch, Edward came and sat next to me. We sat in silence for a while, before Edward broke it.

"You're not going to explain anything, are you?" he asked, preoccupied. I didn't answer; I looked pointedly at the floor. Edward seemed to understand that that meant no, and he didn't press me about it.

"So, I was wondering if you'd like to come with me after school today," he said, changing the subject. This caught my attention, and I looked up.

"Where are you going?" I asked guardedly, before I could involuntarily accept and get myself into a difficult situation.

"Just a place I found once. I like to go there sometimes and think or write music. I think you'd like it."

"Okay," I slowly replied. That sounded safe enough. And I was too desperately eager to consider the implications of this. Or maybe I just didn't care.

"Great, then," he replied enthusiastically. As I looked into his sparkling green eyes, everything made sense, and nothing else mattered.


	19. Confrontation

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**Please read and review! Thanks!!**

**Okay. I'm really, really excited here. I've made a new discovery: _The Line Tool!! _I was, like, wondering what the line button thing on the top of the editing window, so I clicked on it, and it made one of those lines that I've been trying really, really hard to figure out how to make!! It's funny how the little things can make me so excited. But this really is revolutionary. George Washington would approve.**

**But anyway, as for the story, reviews. That tempting purple-bluish button. I'm not gonna be annoying and tell you I won't update until I get a certain amount of reviews, 'cause it really bugs me when people do that. I want you to review if you are motivated to review, not manipulated to. It feels more genuine like that. So don't, if you don't want to. Hopefully you do, though. It's like a little ego-booster. A mini-pep talk. And also, if you do review, be BLUNT AND HONEST. Don't feel compelled to say nice stuff if spent the whole time tearing your hair out and now have to deal with bald spots. Be like Simon. I don't need Paulas here. **

**So, after that little speech, here's the chapter. (After the line!! Take a moment and appreciate the line!!)**

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Ch. 18 – Confrontation

The rest of the day seemed to drag on. I could barely focus during any of my classes; I was just so eager and anxious to see Edward again. To go someplace with him. Alone.

Finally, though, the end arrived, and I rushed out to my locker. I quickly stuffed some books in my backpack, and I hurried outside. I scanned the parking lot for Edward, until I found him standing next to his shiny silver Volvo. Waiting for me.

"Hi, Bella," he said genially as I approached him.

"Yeah. Hi." I stepped into the passenger's seat, unsure of what to talk about. I chewed on my lip anxiously.

"So," he began, "You never did tell me. What part of Canada were you in? What was it like?"

"Umm...we were in little town called Whale Cove. You probably wouldn't have heard of it. It's on the northwestern border." Edward shook his head, gesturing that he hadn't heard of it. "It was nice there. Pretty similar to here, actually. Just a little colder," I finished. I looked at his face for the first time. He was looking at the road, and his face betrayed no emotion. I wished I could know what was going through his head.

"Where were you in Alaska?" I asked. He looked over at me, then looked back at the road before he started to talk.

"We lived in Anchorage. I guess it was nice there, but there was pretty much always snow. It's nice to be here where summer is pretty much what summer is supposed to be." He laughed once. I didn't say anything else, and neither did he. I looked at his face a lot, grateful for any time we had together.

Edward turned into a small parking lot. There were only a few spots, and nature had practically swallowed them up. Weeds were growing through cracks in the pavement, trees had dropped pine needles which blanketed the gray cement, and overgrown bushes were edging their way in and threatening to overtake the whole area. It was clear that nobody had been here for a long time.

The tires of the car made a crunching sound as they rolled over the pine needles and pulled into a spot. I could barely make out the lines between which we were supposed to park. Edward stepped out of the car, and I did the same.

"Wow," I marveled. "This place is beautiful,"

"Yeah," agreed Edward, shoving his hands into the back pockets of his jeans.

"You said you _found_ this?" I asked. "How?"

"I was supposed to be going to a party," he admitted sheepishly. "I didn't really pay much attention to the directions, though, and I wound up here. I didn't bother looking for the party after that." He laughed, and I couldn't help joining in.

"Come here," he told me. I followed him through a winding path in the forest. We walked for a few minutes, until we came to a clearing next to a small stream.

"Wow," I murmured again.

"I know," he concurred, his voice angelic next to the purr of the stream. I sat in silence for a while, appreciating the moment. I don't know how long we sat there, not talking. Finally, Edward spoke.

"Bella," he began, but then paused, as if unsure about what he was about to do.

"Yes?" I encouraged.

"Bella, I'm worried about you." I was taken aback by this. I stared into his emerald eyes, trying to understand, but he was gazing out into the stream.

"What do you mean?" I asked, truly confused.

"Speaking as a friend, of course, I just don't want you to get hurt."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know how...informed you are about..." he cut off, suddenly staring into my eyes desperately as if willing me to understand. I stared back blankly, no idea where he was going with this.

"About..." I suggested.

"About anorexia," he finished. I stared at him incredulously. "It's just that you never eat, and you're so thin and pale and cold all the time," he continued. I felt the corners of my mouth pulling up into a grin. "It's not a joke, Bella," he added at my expression.

"Anorexia?" I verified, still smiling hugely. Suddenly I burst out laughing, unable to stop. That was the _last _thing I would have expected him to say. Edward frowned at my reaction.

"Bella, people die from it," he said, frustrated that I wasn't taking him seriously.

"In all my time..." I managed between gasps of air, "I never heard...If there's one thing I can assure you of, Edward Cullen...I may have problems...but _anorexia_ is not one of them." I tried to ignore the little flutter of pleasure in my stomach as I said his name.

"If you're sure," assented Edward unhappily, "but I'm still trying to figure you out." I sighed, knowing there was no way I could dissuade him.

"Ah, Edward," I sighed, stretching out on the grass, perfectly content. "I wish you wouldn't. Can't we just enjoy now?" Edward seemed fascinated by this comment.

"Sure. Whatever you want," he replied, reaching out for my hand. His warmth relaxed every muscle, spreading throughout my body. And as I looked into his warm, liquid eyes, I was able to do just what I asked for.


	20. Secret

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

**Please read and review! Thanks!! And the usual. Criticism, whatever. And, by the way, because I've been forgetting to say this, thanks to everyoe who's reviewed. You guys are awesome. Here's the chapter.**

**-Max**

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Ch. 19 – Secret

We sat in silence for a while. Hands entwined, eyes gazing out into the stream. How had I survived for so long without him? How had I had enough energy, enough motivation to sit through class every day, to breathe and walk and think? I didn't know. My life had been a bleak nighttime, cold and grey, without purpose or reason. Suddenly, everything was illuminated, light was shed over all hints of doubt, one focused point to follow, reason to continue fighting on to the next day. Edward, my candle in the night. And he was right within my reach.

Edward sighed and stood up, pulling me along with him when I didn't let go of his hand. We walked over to the stream. Edward kicked off his shoes and sat down on the riverbank with his feet in the water. I stepped out of my sandals and sat down beside him, picking up his hand again. The water felt nice and cool. It wasn't so forceful that it was thrusting my feet to the side, and it wasn't so slow that it was collecting in areas and growing thicker and dirtier. It was the perfect speed, caressing my foot gently.

"Bella," began Edward softly.

"Yes?"

"I like you, Bella."

"Yes," I murmured in assent.

"I don't know how to...I just want to talk to you, Bella. Or go somewhere with you. Anywhere. I don't care. I just..." His brow furrowed in concentration and frustration. "Sometimes I feel like you're not telling me everything."

I didn't say anything. I just stared at a small clump of grass by my left foot, nodding slightly, not meeting his gaze. All the humor from his last guess at my "problem" had vanished.

"I'm sorry," I managed. It was the best I could do, the most I could tell him. Even so, I was pushing it.

He exhaled sharply. I peeked up at him; his face was now showing signs of frustration. I was mesmerized by the fire in his peridot eyes which I could feel burning my whole outline right through to the very essence of who I was. Good fire. It held me locked where I was; I was unable to look away.

"Bella," he said intensely, leaning towards me, "you can tell me. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I won't be angry or upset. I promise I won't. Please talk to me."

"No," I mumbled. "I really can't. I don't know how to make you understand that I am really completely, utterly, and one hundred percent unable...I'm sorry. I truly am. But there's no other way."

"But there really is," contradicted Edward. He was pleading now, and I could see bewildered hurt in his eyes, and I felt a pain slice through me. I was causing him pain. I wanted so badly to tell him, yet at the same time for him never to find out. In this moment I utterly hated myself. I wished I had died as I should of, wished Charlie hadn't saved me, wished I'd never come here. "I swear that I won't-"

"Edward," I attempted again, not quite able to swallow down the lump in my throat. I'd already said too much. "Edward, you wouldn't believe me even if I did tell you." I remembered what he'd said in his bedroom to Rosalie about not believing in what was generally considered the stuff of fiction. This had him taken aback.

"That's not true," he objected. "I would believe whatever you tell me."

"What if I told you that I was George Washington back from the dead and with perfect teeth?"

"I...well, that's _completely _ridiculous. I mean that I'd believe anything within the scope of reality."

I nodded to myself. "You wouldn't believe me. Trust me." When he started to interrupt, I shook my head and kept talking. "And anyway, it doesn't matter whether you'd believe me or not because this is purely theoretical. I'm not telling you, and unless you're some kind of mind reader, you're not going to find out. Period."

He glared at me, and I matched his expression. It was difficult to stare into his eyes and hold an unhappy expression, but I managed. Eventually, though, my face melted into a softer expression. My gaze wandered down toward our hands, still locked together, and I sighed.

"All I'm trying to say is that...I care about you. I care about you, and so I don't want you to get into any trouble or hurt yourself or anything." His voice broke at the end. I looked up at him to see that now he was gazing down.

"Edward," I murmured, rubbing my thumb against the back of his hand, "you're worrying about all the wrong things. You shouldn't be worrying about me. You should be worrying about you." He looked up at me, startled and confused.

"You're not going to explain that, are you?"

"No."

"Nothing makes any sense," he grumbled.

"I know," I agreed. He didn't have any idea how right he was.

"Yeah," he muttered.

"Like I said, though, you should be your main concern right now. You should stay away from me. I'm dead serious about that part. But as long as you're not listening to my advice, neither will I. I'm following your lead here."

"My main...Bella, you're my friend! I'm not just going to walk off and desert you or anything."

"Okay, then. If that's how you want it," I agreed unhappily. But I was also enthralled. It was a strange sensation, to be on opposite ends of the spectrum at the same time. Life was throwing me a lot of curveballs these days. But it wasn't so simple as that. Life was being very confusing and verging on annoying at the moment.

When life sends you a test, you've got to take it. You have to try to do what you know is right, even if it's not what you necessarily want. You eventually pull through the sticky spots and later feel good about yourself for being the best person you can be.

When life hands you an opportunity, though, you should take it and thank your lucky stars that things worked out the way they did. You should appreciate it and not throw it away. You should spend every second enjoying the moment, short as it may be, because you don't know the next time something like it will come your way.

But what if you can't tell the difference? What if you're given something with a little of both?


	21. Speculation

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

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Ch. 20 - Speculation

I sat in my room contemplating everything that had taken place that afternoon. I felt truly alone, more so than I had ever felt in all my time after my human life had come to its abrupt halt. Normally there were no secrets between Charlie and me. Normally there wasn't anything I would need to keep secret. But I instinctively knew that Charlie must not find out about my...situation with Edward. Not yet. There was still too much left to be decided.

I absentmindedly placed Edward's CD - which I kept carefully hidden in the jewel case of some 70's CD that I had picked randomly off my shelf - into my CD player, and I plugged in my headphones. Again and again, the beautiful melodies wove through my head, leaving colorful designs in their paths as they moved. This was becoming a usual routine, but I never seemed to grow tired of hearing the same song over and over. It seemed like every time I thought I knew it by heart, I would discover something different, some new quality that I hadn't noticed before.

I think Charlie noticed that I was acting differently. That I was staying secluded to my room most of the time, that I never told him what I was doing there, that my mood would swing wildly and unpredictably from elated to depressed to confused to excited.

The day I got back from spending the afternoon with Edward by the stream, Charlie pulled up to the driveway in a speculative mood. When I heard the roar of his car over the delicate piano music, I quickly pressed the stop button on the CD player, gently placed it back in the 70's box, stuffed it back on the shelf, and darted downstairs to greet Charlie.

"Hey, Bells."

"Hi, Charlie. How was your day?"

"Pleasant. Uneventful. Cecelia Watson found a few broken potted plants in front of her house and suspected the rowdy teenagers next door of being involved. That caused quite a stir." He paused to roll his eyes. "It turned out the only culpable one was her cat." He sighed and mumbled something incoherent about paranoia.

"Humans will be humans," I said fondly. We walked over to the chairs in the living room and sat down, facing each other.

"So what did you do today?" Charlie asked suddenly. I blinked.

"Uhh...just regular school. Nothing particularly interesting. We're learning about cells and the Krebs Cycle again in biology."

"What about after school?" he inquired shrewdly.

"What do you mean?" I asked, stalling for time to come up with some excuse.

"I mean, where did you go after school? What did you do?" he clarified slowly.

"Oh."

"Well...?"

"I just came here. As usual." My lie fell flat, but I was not going to admit to Charlie that even I thought my voice sounded off.

"And what did you do here?" he pressed.

"I stayed in my room. Homework. Books."

"Is that really all?"

"Yes. What reason could I possible have to lie to you about that?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out." He sounded frustrated, and he was concentrating hard.

"Keep trying," I muttered under my breath, too low even for him to hear.

"Bella, why don't you talk to me any more? I don't want you to feel...uncomfortable telling me things. Look at all we've achieved. We're living with humans _as _humans. We found a way to survive without harming any people. We've gained acceptance in the community. But it won't work if we're keeping secrets from each other. We have to communicate."

I stared through him. I was aware that he was gazing pleadingly at me.

"Bella, please tell me."

"There's nothing to tell, Charlie," I told him icily.

I couldn't believe I was having to be in this situation twice in one day, though the two instances were opposites. With Edward I was concealing my existence as a vampire. With Charlie I was concealing my lingering humanity - the human part of me that thirsted for Edward's love - which was being slowly resurrected.

"Okay," Charlie agreed unhappily. "If you say so."

"I do."

And with that, I stomped upstairs to my room where I played Edward's CD with the volume all the way up, and tried with all my strength and willpower not to think.


	22. Conflict

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**By the way, in case I didn't mention this before (and I don't think I did), if you have any other questions or concerns, you can PM me. I mean, if you have a specific question you want answered, not just the kind of general questions that go in the reviews. I also beta read. Just throwing that out there.**

**Also, sorry I've been taking so long to update. I've been so busy. I'll try to be better about it in the future, though. And this chapter is kind of short, so sorry about that, too. But I figured you'd rather get a smaller portion now that wait even longer for an even bigger chapter. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. You can tell me in the review or PM or whatever you prefer.**

**Thanks, again, for reading!!**

**-Max**

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Ch. 21 - Conflict

Life went on as usual. The days flew by; it seemed like the calendar was somehow shortened. Like days were squished into a much smaller unit of time than twenty-four hours.

Edward did not ask me out again.

To that extent, he was listening to my warning. But no more than that. He came and sat with me at lunch in my corner every day. We didn't talk much, but that was fine with me. I reveled in his company; just being with him, being able to see him with my own eyes and know that he was seeing me, was enough to send flutters to my stomach and spread a calming yet joyful ease through my body. He would walk with me to my classes, and we would exchange a mumbled, "Goodbye," at the end of the day.

So I was naturally surprised when, a couple weeks after he had taken me to the stream, Edward walked into the cafeteria with a purposeful look on his face and began to speak urgently.

"Bella, can we please talk about something?"

"Sure, what?"

"Anything. Movies. Weather. Sports. Whatever you want."

"Okay," I said slowly, taken aback, racking my brain for some detail to comment on, distracted by the intensity and unhappiness in his voice. What was he getting at? He sighed loudly.

"Aren't we friends? Can't we talk to each other anymore?" he said, more to himself than to me. He didn't wait for an answer. "I feel so disconnected from you. I don't want to be. I _hate_ it." His voice suddenly grew softer, his eyes pleading and warm. Liquid emerald. "This is so unbearable. There's a wall between us, coming between me and everything I want. An impenetrable wall. Only you can bring it down. _Please_, Bella. Please tell me whatever you're keeping from me. There isn't anything I wouldn't tell you, not one thing I would try to hide from you. Not one." Now his eyes were really burning into mine, and I couldn't do anything but stare helplessly back into them. I was enveloped by their fire. I couldn't breathe.

"Not here," I murmured anxiously. We could have this argument again, but not in front of hundreds of bystanders who could be easily eavesdropping on our conversation. Edward seemed enthralled by my comment.

"That doesn't mean I'm telling you anything!" I insisted angrily, but he kept smiling angelically. As much as I dreaded the very thought of him finding out what I truly was, it gave me some shred of relief, of comfort, to know that I was making him happy. That I was causing him to look like this. And, at the same time, I felt horrible because it would just be that much worse when I disappointed him again. Conflict. Something I'd been feeling a lot lately.

"Okay, then, where do you want to go?" he asked eagerly, moving to throw away the rest of his lunch.

"Now?"

"Sure, why not?"

"You only live once," I reminded him, smiling slightly in the back of my mind. "You shouldn't ruin that by messing up in school and not getting a good education." He frowned, knowing I was right. And yet, I longed to go away somewhere, anywhere, with Edward right now. But I didn't want him to get in trouble for ditching class. I sighed.

"I'll pick you up after school," he told me, smiling my favorite crooked smile which left me feeling slightly dizzy. I hadn't known that was possible for someone like me. Edward hadn't been this energetic for a while, and it made me feel good to see him so happy. He looked so...alive.

"Okay," I sighed. What was the use in protesting? The human part of me wanted nothing more than to escape somewhere with him and get a chance to stare at his absurdly gorgeous face. If I did try to argue, he would get his way, anyway. He always did.

Except for in one matter.

I ground my teeth in frustration. There was one argument he would never win; I would never enlighten him as to the secret of my...condition.

This outing was pointless, but I was not planning on telling him that. I didn't want him to cancel...not that he would, no matter how much I insisted. I selfishly wanted to spend more time with him alone, and that part of me won out over the part responsible part.

We settled back into silence, but it was more comfortable this time. The silence would be broken soon, and we both knew it. Yes, it would be broken very, very soon.


	23. Begging

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**Please read and review! Sorry I've been so long - I've been SO busy... mock trial pretty much every day, piano, homework, etc. Here's the chapter, though. Hope you like it! Thanks!!**

**-Max**

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Ch. 22 - Begging

Time is a funny thing. It can seem unbearably slow. It can feel like it's bowling you over at a million miles per hour. It can appear to be moving forward like a people mover: not too fast, but constantly going; if you're not paying close enough attention you can fall behind and it will not stop to wait for you. Or, like this afternoon, it can feel like everything at once.

When the final bell rang, I had one of the greatest internal battles I have ever had. My legs wanted to do nothing more than push forward, leaving the ground behind, to see Edward's face all the sooner. Intellectually, I knew that if I suddenly disappeared and flew through the courtyard looking transparent, it would be a cause of commotion for the humans. It wouldn't have been so hard to deny my legs if the intellectual part of me hadn't yearned for the same thing. But I managed to stiffly march out of the Spanish classroom, to my locker, and out to the parking lot at a relatively human speed.

I scanned the sea of cars for one that would always stand out in my mind: a shiny silver Volvo. I found it. And, perched on top of it, was Edward. He smiled breathtakingly when he saw me. He had a different kind of beauty from afar. When I was close to him, close enough to make out the details of his face at least, his face was all I could concentrate on. From here I could admire his body. He was muscular, but not disgustingly so. He was slender, but not so slender that he was gangly. He was...just right.

"Hey, Bella," he called. He was bouncing his feet in the air impatiently, and his eyes looked sharp and eager. And beautiful.

"Someone's perky," I noted, looking him over. He laughed as we both stepped into the car.

"We haven't done something like this for a while. It's been too long. I need some fresh air."

"Yeah, me too."

He backed out of the parking spot and started down a familiar winding road. I smiled in recognition.

"Same place as before?"

"Yep. Thought we might go somewhere out of the way if we're trying to avoid anyone's hearing range. That's okay, isn't it?"

"Yeah, that's great. I've been wanting to go back there again for so long."

"Then why didn't you?" asked Edward, confused. I wished I hadn't brought it up as I reluctantly explained.

"It would feel wrong without you. I don't want to steal it from you or anything. I don't want to intrude on your secret place where you go to be alone; I know how those are. Everyone needs a place like that." Edward frowned at that.

"Of course you can come here whenever you want. It's public property," he explained, shrugging. I sighed; there was no use in arguing. There was something else more important to argue right now.

Edward parked the car in the pine-covered parking lot. I noticed some acorns and pine cones had made their way onto the broken gravel of the parking lot, too. We got out of the car and walked silently to the spot by the stream; I knew the way now. The whole place felt magical, and neither one of us wanted to disturb the peaceful silence with speech. The moment was too perfect for that. We stretched out in the tall grass by the stream. Finally, I spoke.

"So, Edward, what did you want to talk about?" It was absolutely ridiculous that it should still send flurries of butterflies into my stomach when I said his name.

"You."

I didn't respond; I just glared at him for a second, and then gestured with my hand for him to speak.

"And me," he continued. I gulped.

"What about us?" I asked timidly. I had a bad feeling that this was going in the wrong direction. But also a very, very right direction.

"Bella, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Have you ever had the feeling where there's something you want _so _badly, which is _so _close, so close you can almost taste it, but there's one thing stopping you from getting it? Like seeing a puppy behind the window of a pet store, which comes up and puts its paw against the glass, and your hand is only inches away. But you can't touch it because there's a quarter of an inch of glass in between you and it. Or seeing a beautiful flower on a fence which is just beyond your reach. Have you ever felt like that?" His eyes were searching, frantic.

"I'm not sure what you mean," I answered slowly, deliberating.

"Bella," he said, his eyes glorious, "ever since I met you, my life...was different. Everything that I had placed any small amount of value in became dreary and meaningless. Whenever I'm with you it seems like the whole world around us is more colorful, like the world is spinning around us and we are standing still. And then, when you leave, the rest of the world pulls me under and I am sucked into its endless spinning." Right now I couldn't tell which was spinning more: the world or my head. I hadn't made my decision yet. I was both flying high with ecstasy and sinking in despair. I felt the corners of my mouth involuntarily pulling up into a smile before I could suppress them.

"Oh." My brain was on overload, and that one word was all it could manage for now.

"But," he continued, looking preoccupied, "there's something...different about you. I can't quite articulate it. I _know_ that you're keeping something from me. Something big. I'm warning you now, I _will _find out. Because that's the only thing coming between us. Once I learn that, I can find out...how you feel about me. That part's intuitive. And that's all I care about." My head was reeling. This was everything I wanted, the purpose of my existence. Of course, everything he was saying would change if he knew what I was. But I could appreciate the moment, and at the moment, my heart was doing somersaults. "So," he continued, "keeping in mind that I _will _find out sooner or later, would you please tell me what is going on? What is so important that you can't tell me?" I sighed.

"No, Edward. I'm sorry. I really am. But I can promise you, if you did know what I'm not telling you, you would not want what you do now. You would listen to me when I tell you to stay away from me."

"What, are you a member of the Italian mafia who does drive-by shootings and spray-paints graffiti on walls every night?" His voice was teasing, his eyes full of humor. But also desperation.

"Close enough," I muttered, too low for him to hear.

"Please, Bella," he pleaded. It was so hard to turn him down when he begged like this. He looked so innocent and vulnerable. "Please. You don't know how much this means to me."

"I don't want to hurt you," I murmured sadly and desperately. I wished there were a way for everything to work out perfectly, knowing there wasn't.

"Please, don't worry about me. The only thing that can hurt me is not knowing, not knowing how you feel, not knowing that I've done everything I can do." I stared sadly into his peridot eyes, which, even when they looked so vulnerable, could still turn my bones to sponge.

"Edward," I began, but then I stiffened. I froze in paralyzed fear, my brain searching wildly for an answer. None came; my brain was just as frozen as the rest of my body. It felt like my world was crumbling from under me as the milliseconds flew by without an answer.

"Bella?" Edward asked concernedly. I barely heard him.

He couldn't tell yet, but I could. The unfamiliar biting scent, or empty lack of one, rather, was easily recognizable. Approaching us, very rapidly, was another vampire.


	24. Truth

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

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**Please read and review! Thanks!! And again - thanks to everyone who's reviewing. You guys are SO helpful. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it). And if you _don't _celebrate it, I hope you had a nice day anyway. I'm SO sorry I'm taking so long with the updates - I just have _so _much stuff to do. School is shadowing every step I take, trying to kill every moment of free time I have with pointless busywork. And pretty much succeeding. Anyway, I found time to write this chapter, so I'll just shut up now and actually let you read it.**

**-Max**

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Ch. 23 - Truth

"Bella?" asked Edward again. "What's wrong?" I still couldn't think. Couldn't feel. _No, no, no, _I thought to myself. I wanted to curl up into a tight ball on the ground and close my eyes and sob broken, tearless sobs. But I painfully forced my brain into action, knowing I would regret it later if I didn't.

"Edward," I began hoarsely.

"Yes?" he replied, his brow furrowed anxiously.

"Edward, please. Do as I say. Run back to the car as fast as you can and drive home. I'll call you when I get home. I promise. Now go." I hoped that he would listen to me for once. That he would hear the angst and desperation in my voice. It was a vain hope.

"What? Why? How would you get home?"

"I'll be fine. Please. Trust me. You have to hurry. Go!" The vampire was getting close; the empty, scentless space was getting closer, stronger.

"But-" Edward began. I cut him off.

"Go! Now!" He didn't move. I considered picking him up and running myself, but immediately nixed the idea. I couldn't run very fast for a vampire when I was just by myself, let alone when I was carrying someone else. And plus, the other vampire would then follow. They couldn't come into town - I shuddered at the very thought of it.

"Tell me what's wrong," he ordered, his jaw set. He stood firmly with his feet planted shoulder-length apart on the ground. "Then I'll decide whether or not to listen to you."

"Someone dangerous is coming. Someone...like me. You need to leave now."

"Someone dangerous?" he repeated, bewildered. His face turned to heroic stone. "Then I should stay here to protect you."

I sighed frustratedly, my arms crossed, my feet tapping impatiently on the ground. I bit my lip and stared into his perfect green eyes. Even in this moment I could appreciate their beauty. His beauty. The beauty of everything around us. Even as I was trapped in this endless maze, I still felt somehow complete. As if Edward's light blocked out the shadow looming over us.

"Please. By being here you are only putting me in more danger."

"Well, it sounds like you're already-"

"Shh!" I silenced him and jumped in front of him with my arms cautiously at my side. Inside, I was tearing apart. I was too late. The vampire had arrived. "Look down," I muttered to Edward, so low that only he could hear, and for once, he complied.

I could see him now, stepping out from the trees across the clearing, and I knew he could see me. Edward couldn't see him yet. I hadn't met him before. His olive-toned skin contrasted with his dark, black hair. He seemed calm and collected, perfectly at ease with his surroundings. And his eyes were black. Coal black. I gulped, but then stood up straighter and smiled conventionally, trying not to look afraid.

"Hello," he greeted.

"Hi," I responded, speaking at a normal volume. Edward looked confused, but then squinted into the distance and stared at the figure slowly approaching us. He was walking, but much faster than a human would.

"My name is Laurent. I come with two others. They are James and Victoria," he stated, introducing himself. He spoke with cadences of an earlier century. The kind you hear in old movies. I instinctively switched to his way of talking. My native dialect. By now he had reached us.

"I am Bella. I live with two others, who are known by the names Charlie and Edward," I replied.

"_Live _here?" he inquired, incredulous. "How?"

"I'll tell you all about it. Edward, why don't you go home and help Charlie with the house while I talk to Laurent?" I tried to keep my voice free of a high degree of panic. I turned around to him, my eyes pleading, and he met my gaze. The eyes were a complete giveaway, and I felt Laurent stiffen next to me. I looked back at him to see him staring, unbelieving, into Edward's green eyes.

"What is this?" he asked, his eyes wide. "You brought a human?" I opened my mouth, as if to say something, but then changed my mind and closed it. I turned to look at Edward who was staring at me wide-eyed.

"You're... not human?" Edward mouthed at me. I stared into his beautiful, crystalline eyes sadly. I didn't answer him.

"Oh, is it a secret?" Laurent asked, unrepentant. He laughed. The sound should have been very pleasing.

"Please," I said through clenched teeth, ignoring his question, "we would appreciate it if you could...refrain from feeding in this area."

"Of course," answered Laurent immediately. "We wouldn't want to disrupt any...balance you have here."

"What balance? What's going on?" asked Edward confusedly. "Tell me what's happening." Neither Laurent nor I replied; we just stared at each other. "Please," added Edward conventionally. I sighed and half-turned toward him.

"Nothing's going on. Now, Laurent, will you please...pass the message along to James and Victoria?"

"Yes. But then will you tell us about how you manage this? It really is fascinating."

"We would love to. You can bring James and Victoria, too, if they're interested. We can meet here again. Midnight tonight."

"Sounds good." He suddenly cocked his head to the side. "Is Charlie one of us? Or is he like that one?" he asked, nodding toward Edward.

"No, he's our kind." Edward kept looking back and forth between me and Laurent.

"If you're not human, then what are you?" Edward demanded. He sounded so innocent. I wanted to comfort him, but I was at a loss to know how. Anything I did would frighten him.

"Edward," I said soothingly, "please. We'll sort this out later. I promise." And my voice had the seal of a promise. There was no way to doubt it. I stared into his confused peridot eyes, melting where I stood as I did. I was reluctant to turn away, but I did.

"Okay," agreed Edward, unsure.

"Laurent, can I ask you for one more favor?" He nodded, and I continued. "Please, can you not tell anyone about Edward? This is really not his fault at all, and if it gets to the Volturi..." I trailed off, not able to say the words. Not able to process the horrible thought. Laurent understood immediately.

"Yes, of course. Your secret is safe with me. Goodbye, now."

"Goodbye." I replied.

"Bye," muttered Edward. After throwing Edward and me one last disbelieving look, he turned and sped off through the forest. Edward started at his sudden disappearance.

"Um, Bella?" asked Edward, his voice shaking.

"I know, I know," I mumbled, waving my hand. Edward didn't reply. "You can go now," I offered in a low voice. "You don't have to stay. I understand completely."

"Not without answers. Not without you." He sounded defiant, and I knew he was being honest.

"You might want to rethink that last part," I muttered.

"Explain, please," he commanded. "So you're not human. What are you, then? A witch, or something?"

Edward sat down in the tall grass cross-legged and beckoned for me to sit beside him. I stared down at him for a moment, then plunked down across from him, a few feet away. He would want the extra space later. But how I yearned to reach my hand over, to pull him into my arms and never let him go. I didn't want him to fear me.

"No," I sighed reluctantly, "I'm not a witch. I'm not human either. You're right about that part."

"Hmm...how about...a werewolf? A wizard? A mermaid?" He laughed at his last suggestion.

"Think Dracula," I suggested, my eyes on the ground.

"A vampire?" he asked, his voice not marred by fear. I was surprised at this, but kept my eyes on the ground at my feet. I nodded feebly.

"Yes," I whispered. The distaste in my voice was as clear as a bell. The seconds ticked by, and neither of us said anything.

"Really?" Edward asked finally. He sounded surprised, but I still didn't hear the fear that should have been plain.

"You can leave if you like. I won't be offended," I offered again. Edward didn't say anything, and I looked up at him. He didn't look like he was listening to what I had said. Instead, he looked like he was concentrating on something that was bothering him.

"Wait," he said, vexed. "But it's daytime. Aren't vampires only supposed to come out at night or something?"

"No," I murmured softly. "The legends got some things wrong. We can come out whenever we want, but it's best if we stay out of direct sunlight if there are humans around. That's probably where all of the myths came from. In sunny places, other...vampires," it was hard saying the word out loud. I had gotten used to referring to us as "our kind" or "ones like us." I managed to now, though, and I continued, "would have been stuck inside all day. So humans made the connection."

"What about bats? Did Laurent just turn into a bat just then? I didn't see one..." he trailed off, preoccupied.

"No, he just ran very fast. And I have no idea where _that _myth came from. I don't see any logical explanation behind that one." I laughed softly, gauging his reaction. He seemed unperturbed.

"Hmm. Too bad. That would've been fun to watch." He laughed to himself, imagining it.

"Aren't you afraid of me?" I asked incredulously. "I just told you that I'm a vampire. That I'm not human. Shouldn't that bother you? Why aren't you afraid?" Whatever reaction I had been expecting from him, it wasn't that one. He shrugged.

"If you had wanted to kill me, you already had a bunch of chances. It wouldn't make sense for you kill me now. So I have no reason to be afraid. And anyway, you're still the same person who you have been all year. It's not like me knowing about what you are has changed that. You're still my friend who I've eaten lunch with and talked with and come here with. But I'm glad to finally understand. Of course, I still have millions of questions, but it's nice now to have nothing between us. You know what I mean?" he asked. I stared at his unclouded expression for a long moment before answering.

"Yeah. I do."

"So how does it work? The whole vampire thing? Are you born a vampire, or do you become one, or what?"

"You are born human. You can get...changed by another vampire. But it's very difficult."

"What do you mean 'changed?' How?"

"Painfully. For both parties." I wasn't planning on saying any more on the subject. I didn't want to scare him him off. Or give him any ideas. And yet, at the same time, I wanted nothing more. To share forever with Edward. My personal utopia.

"How old were you when you were...changed?"

"Seventeen. Once we become what we are, we don't age. We can live forever, unless we're killed. And that's very hard to do."

"Stake through the heart?" he asked. It surprised me how relaxed and casual he sounded, as if he were talking about a baseball game or a movie. Not how to kill your friend who happens to be a vampire.

"No. A stake wouldn't be nearly strong enough. Another vampire is the only way I know of." I intentionally left out the gory details, and he didn't press me for them.

"What were you saying to Laurent about talking to James and Victoria? Pass the message along, or something? What was that about?" he asked. I sighed.

"Charlie and I have...adopted a certain lifestyle which is very unusual for our kind. One fact that the stories _did _get right is our diet. And human blood is _much _more preferable than anything else. But we _can_ drink animal blood if necessary. Charlie and I...we don't _want _to be monsters. We made a voluntary choice to feed on only animals. We never kill humans. That's why we're able to live in a place like Forks for any degree of permanence. Most of us wander around, feeding on humans, and never stay in one place for longer than a day or so. So it surprised Laurent when I said that we _lived _ here, and I asked him to tell the others not to hunt in this area," I explained. Edward looked awed, his beautiful emerald eyes sparkling in the filtered light from the blanket of clouds above us.

"Wow," was all he said. I half-smiled.

"It makes us feel good, though. It makes us feel more human than we ever do otherwise." Edward blinked and continued with his questioning.

"And at the end, you said something about the...Vol...the Vultures? The Volter-"

"The Volturi," I corrected. "Though 'Vultures' is accurate enough," I muttered. "The Volturi are the rule makers, I guess you could say. Anyway, there's only one rule. We can't tell any humans that we exist. If it gets back to them that a human knows..." I trailed off, my eyes filled with grief. "Probably nothing would've ever happened, but I just wanted to be safe and make sure that Laurent wouldn't tell anyone. Just as a precaution. Nothing will ever happen to you. I won't let anyone hurt you." My eyes blazed, and my voice came out fiercer than I'd thought it would. Edward thought that over for a minute, and we sat in silence. I stared out into the stream, its murmur as it hit the rocks more noticeable than before. A bird chirped from somewhere undetectable.

"You said you shouldn't go out into the sun if there's humans around. What exactly do you mean by that? What happens when you go out in the sun?"

"We, well, we kind of sparkle. Maybe I'll show you next time it's sunny."

"Sure. That sounds great!" His voice was enthusiastic, which was the opposite of how it should've been. I still couldn't get over the fact that he wasn't afraid of me. "But you never told me," he began, his mind on another question, "how old are you? You just told me that you were seventeen when you were changed. When was that, though?"

I don't know if I should tell you..." I began. He rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. Sure. I'll tell you. I was born in 1928. I was changed in 1945. So that makes me eighty years old."

"But you don't look a day over twenty-nine," he teased. I laughed. "Eighty, hmm..." he cocked his head and pursed his lips, assessing me. "Okay. Eighty. Wow. You don't look like the stereotypical eighty-year-old woman: knitting socks on the front porch in a rocking chair." I snickered.

"I imagine not," I agreed.

"Why were you changed? Why _you _personally?"

"Charlie was lonely. He'd lived for over a hundred years without anyone else. He was traveling in this area when he found me drowning in a lake. I had jumped off a cliff into the river. It was all done for fun, but there was a storm going on, and the water was too strong for me. I hadn't really thought about that when I jumped. Charlie pulled me from the river, but it was too late; I was dying. So, he changed me. And here I am." Edward's mouth hung slightly open, his eyes horrified. He closed his mouth, blinked a couple times, and spoke.

"Wow. I didn't know...I'm glad Charlie was there. I'm glad he saved you. And to think, I was so close to being separated from you forever. To never having met you in the first place. To you being completely out of my life altogether." A tremor shook his body. Unthinkingly, he reached for my hand. I didn't realize that we'd scooted closer to each other as we'd talked.

"Bella, you are more important to me now than anything else. I've never felt this way about anyone before. It's like the rational part of me has sizzled up, and my body is going out of control. And I _can't _control it. It's taken over. And more than that...I _like _it. I wouldn't go back if I had the chance. It's like I've always had this undeniable hunger inside of me which hasn't found a way to surface until I met you. But I need to know now how you feel. I don't want to impose myself upon you. All I want is for you to be happy. My happiness is utterly dependent on yours." The direction of the conversation had rapidly changed. Again, I felt the corners of my mouth pulling up into an involuntary smile. It felt like my chest was swelling, expanding, trapped only by my rib cage. His words were impossible. And yet, there was no way to doubt his tone.

"Oh, Edward," I sighed, half-laughing. I bit my lip, unable to stop smiling radiantly. I didn't know how to express what I was feeling in words, but my eyes said it all. They were shining now, I could feel it. And I could see Edward glowing at my expression. "Edward, how have I lived for so many years without any inkling of what it means to be alive? This is so much of what I've lost. My humanity has slowly slipped away from me over time. But now it's all coming back, stronger than ever. Looking back on my life now, I can see how bleak it was. It's like for my whole life I've only been seeing varying shades of gray, and now I have the whole color spectrum. Now I have a clear view of everything I didn't have. I don't know how to live without you. Frankly, I don't know how _anyone _lives without you." We both laughed.

He reached with the hand that was not twined together with mine for my free hand. We stared into each others' eyes for a long moment, then started laughing again at the sheer impossibility of the moment. He dropped both of my hands to wrap his arms around me. I scooted closer to him and wrapped my arms around his body, too. We sat like that for a long time, rocking back and forth. His warmth radiated through my body like beams of sunlight through a cloudless sky. It tingled where his body touched mine. His hands rubbed my back, and I used mine to pull him closer to me.

"Mmm," I sighed, a smile in my voice.

"I know," he murmured.

"Edward?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Does this make you my boyfriend?" I wondered. Edward laughed.

"I guess so," he answered. "But you're not exactly my girlfriend."

"The term works as well as anything. I don't think there's a word to describe exactly what I am."

"True." We sat for a few more minutes as the sky gradually darkened.

"Ugh," I groaned as I pulled away from him, not dropping his hand. "It's late. We should get home before dinnertime. And before Charlie gets home. I need to warn him about the visitors." I grimaced.

"Yeah, I guess." He sounded as reluctant as I felt.

We walked in silence back to the car. I stared at his face as he drove, memorizing over and over the contours from every different angle. I was filled with such warmth which I had never felt in all of my life. It was an incredible and inexplicable feeling to love someone and know they love you, too. We pulled up at my house; Charlie's police cruiser was still gone. I didn't open the car door.

"Bella," he murmured, leaning closer to me. I was overwhelmed my his face, his beauty, his scent. Couldn't think straight.

"Mmm?" I replied, unable to move my lips.

"See you tomorrow," he breathed.

"Yeah. Tomorrow. Right."

Bye, Bella."

"Bye." I didn't reach for the door. I didn't move at all.

Edward moved slowly, leaning closer to me. I couldn't think to do anything at all, but stay frozen where I was, whatever expression that was on my face stuck that way. He tilted his head to the side and closed his eyes. Then, with the lightest of touch, his lips were on mine. That unfroze me. All at once, I was mobile again. Edward was everywhere.

Somehow, my hands, of their own accord, ended up in his hair. My lips parted, and so did his. They moved together, following patterns that were unfamiliar but instinctive to me. One of his hands was in my hair, one low on my back. He pulled me closer to him, my body hard against his. He had practically fallen into the passenger's seat with me. He pulled his mouth off mine for air, so I moved mine down to his chin, the side of his face, his throat. His scent was more prominent to me than it ever had been. I had gone for too long without hunting.

My tongue traced his lips, not wanting to stop at their taste. It was too much. I pulled back, exhilarated, and stared into his eyes. They were hungry, and I'm sure mine were too. We were both breathing hard.

"Bye, Edward," I said, opening the door and stepping out. I walked to the doorway, turned, and waved as the Volvo disappeared around the corner.

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**Okay. That was a long one. *takes a deep breath* And for everyone who's asked, ****_no_, this is not just an alternate version of Twilight. James, Victoria, and Laurent weren't in the area _because _of the Cullens, they just happened to be passing through. So the fact that it was Bella and Charlie who were vampires instead of the Cullens wouldn't have changed anything - they still would've come. But this isn't, like, a different version of Twilight or something. It's separate.**

**I hope you liked it. If you did, please review. If you didn't, please review also. If you just want to kill time because you're bored, you're also welcome (and encouraged, by me) to review. Whatever. Yeah. Virtual cookie to all reviewers. I'll announce the cookie winners next update and deliver them through cyberspace. :)**


	25. Confession

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

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**Please read and review! Thanks!!**

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**I know. It's been a month and a half since I've updated. Sorry. Uh, three weeks of trips and tons of homework and a full-time occupation of worrying about Stuff will do that to you, though. Um, this is kind of short. But whatever. I'm kind of half-asleep here. So... the chapter... voila. *waves arms in fancy magicy fashion***

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Ch. 24 - Confession

I bounced inside the house in a buoyant mood, quickly doing all my homework. I ran out into the back and began to read, knowing that listening to Edward's CD would only make the wait to see him again feel longer. A while later, I was pulled from the world of the book that I was in when I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up. I darted inside to greet him.

"Hi, Charlie."

"Hey, Bella. How was today?"

"It was good." What an understatement. Charlie took off his shoes and sat down on the couch. I went to sit beside him.

"I don't know how to tell you this, Charlie, but-" I changed my sentence, chickening out, "there are others in town. I've asked them not to hunt, and they've agreed. But we're supposed to meet them at midnight at the place where...well, I'll take you. They're interested in our lifestyle."

"Okay," agreed Charlie warily.

"Actually, I only talked with one of them - Laurent," I admitted. "He seemed fine to abide by our request. There's three of them altogether."

"Hmm," said Charlie disapprovingly. One we could take, should a fight break out. But three...

"Charlie," I began nervously.

"Yes?" he asked, confused at my tone.

"I should probably tell you...I think it's customary..."

"What is it?" Charlie demanded impatiently. I swallowed.

"Well, I - and try not to freak out, Charlie, okay? - I...kind of have a boyfriend." It all came out in a rush. It took Charlie a few seconds. He blinked a few times wearing an expression of incredulity and a hint of anger. Suddenly his expression grew a few degrees calmer.

"The one you met today?" he asked, hope creeping into his voice.

"No. It's someone from school. His name is Edward Cullen."

"A human?" Charlie roared furiously.

"He's very nice," I mumbled feebly.

"Does he know about...us?" he asked, his voice modulated down a few octaves.

"Yes."

"Didn't you realize the danger that would put him in? Did you think about what the Volturi would do to him if they found out?" Of course, Charlie was thinking about the humans before us. He really did make a good police officer - he was so protective of everyone.

"He's been trying to figure it out all year. And he wouldn't have found out, if not for Laurent. He kept saying, 'You brought a human?' and things like that, so Edward realized. I did ask Laurent not to tell anyone about Edward, though, just as a precautionary measure."

"Good," Charlie grunted. Suddenly his expression grew appraising. He pursed his lips. "Do you like him?" he asked, skeptical.

"Yes!" I gushed. "He's...amazing, Charlie. Don't go too hard on him. Please."

Charlie sighed. "Fine. I'll try not to scare him too much."

"Thanks."

"Any time, Bells." We sat in silence as something I had said grew clear to him. "He was there when Laurent came? So you were _alone _with a human? Bella..." His voice was disapproving.

"It was fine," I said defensively. "No harm done. No blood, no foul." I smiled to myself.

I went upstairs again and continued my book there, checking the clock regularly. At some point I looked up to see the green numbers of my alarm clock read 11:55. I sighed and reluctantly put the book down. Charlie was ready, too. We walked out wordlessly into the night as I stepped into the driver's seat and Charlie the passenger's seat of my truck. The pavement flew by, rolling us closer to the three vampires waiting for us in Edward's favorite hideout.

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**By the way, YUMMY MELTY WARM VIRTUAL CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES for TotalTwilightAddict, Sweet Sassy Sarah, yazcullen, Sarkule, MickeyandMinnie, Jasper'sFavorite, summerperidotgrl, caww, Dirt Rider 712, microcuts, O'snappp xO, Fantasygirl256, katterpatter, hypergirl465, sentimental sweet nothings, and Random Dream. *delivers cookies***


	26. AN 2

AN.

Sorry. I hate to get people all excited when there's not a chapter. But it's been so long, and I thought it wouldn't be fair not to tell you what's going on. Basically, I have the next chapter on my computer, but my computer crashed. So now it has to be repaired. And when it is, I'll post the chapter. I just didn't want anyone to think I'd forgotten or didn't care or decided to discontinue the story or anything. Because I HAVEN'T. So it'll be a little longer, and then I'll post.

Again, sorry for the false alarm.

Max.


	27. Meeting

**Disclaimer: Not mine. SM's.**

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**Okay. I'll be the _first _to admit that it's been forever since I've updated. Computer troubles. Did I mention that technology hates me? Because it does. And also, that I'm scaring myself by beginning to sound like a 40-year-old. *shudder* Anyway, though. Computer has been repaired. Chapter has arrived. Voila!**

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Ch. 25 - Meeting

Charlie didn't say much on the drive there. He was looking out the window, away from me as I drove, and I could tell he wasn't too happy with the whole Edward situation. I matched his silence, determined not to be the first one to speak.

I pilled up onto the now all too familiar grown-in parking lot, thinking about the striking contrast of the last two people I had been here with.

"This way," I muttered to Charlie, who was looking around confusedly. The leaves barely crackled under our feet as they would when a human walked over them.

I still felt bad about coming to this place with anyone but Edward. I felt like I was invading his trust, overstaying my welcome. He had kindly showed me his secret hiding spot, and I felt like I was taking advantage of his kindness, of his trust, making it less secret and special. Taking other people there.

My thoughts had reverted back to Edward again.

That seemed to be happening a lot lately.

We started to run, and in a matter of seconds we were at the meeting spot. At exactly twelve o'clock, I might add. It looked exactly the same as it had that afternoon, and my eyes lingered on the spot Edward and I had sat. Exactly the same, but for the three vampires that now stood in the clearing, their faces unreadable.

I immediately recognized Laurent from before. Olive toned skin, dark hair. He was standing in the front and center of the three.

There was another man. All vampires are strikingly beautiful, but in his beauty he lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. He was standing further back than Laurent, but I sensed a calm, collected attitude from him. I could tell from his body language that he was in charge.

The woman had bright red hair and watchful, feline features. She was looking around cautiously, taking into account the situation.

Edward.

Usually I didn't have this much trouble staying focused on one thing. Sometimes I didn't even need a reason to think of him. Love has its ups and downs, I figured.

"Hello," I began, after a pause.

"Hello," said Laurent. "I'm Laurent, and this is James and Victoria," he continued, indicating towards the man and the woman.

"I'm Bella. This is Charlie," I responded, gesturing towards Charlie, who gave a stiff smile. "Did you relay my message?" I asked Laurent pointedly.

"Yes," he replied, "Of course we will oblige by your request. This is your territory. We wouldn't want to disturb any... balance you have here."

"We were curious as to who," said James.

"We try to preserve whatever essential humanity we can. We try to be civil. We don't want to kill, so we hunt animals only. IN this way we can maintain a role in the human community," replied Charlie.

"It must be very difficult, living right next to all those humans and always denying yourself the pleasure... a very unpleasant lifestyle, I would imagine," mused James.

"To each his own," Charlie responded brusquely.

"Or her own," I added. "Don't forget all the hers of the world."

"Interesting," said Laurent, almost laughingly. He was looking at us like we were lab specimens or something. "It is interesting how you've adapted to your surroundings. You seem very modern, in the way you speak and act." Funny he thought that, because I felt the exact opposite all the time.

"Yeah, well, we try," I said delicately. And suddenly I wondered: _did _I try? I knew I tried in some ways - watching what I said to make sure anything I didn't let anything slip, making sure I didn't start running in gym class and accidentally go at my vampire speed. But did I really try to fit in? Was I really actively trying to act the part of the modern 17-year-old? Or was that just who I was now?

And my self-restraint - how much of it was me thinking I was restraining myself? Maybe I wasn't really trying at all and it was all in my head. Maybe, just _maybe_, I had gotten used to it. Maybe it wasn't as hard as I thought it was.

"What about the humans?" asked Victoria, speaking for the first time. "Do they suspect anything?"

"No," answered Charlie. "They may feel on edge around us, but they never suspect anything. We don't give them anything they could use as evidence against us."

"If the glove don't fit you must acquit," I quoted wryly. Again Laurent looked at me with that peculiar, observational expression.

"What about the human you were with earlier?" asked Laurent.

"What about him?" My voice faltered a bit.

"Isn't it dangerous to be around a human alone in a place like this? How much does he know?"

"Umm... not really." I prattled on, trying to sidetrack him from the second part of his question. "I've gotten used to the smell of human blood. It's not nearly as distracting anymore. I'm around it all day, every day, so I've gotten used to it."

"Still, though. In a place like this... no witnesses... aren't you even the least bit tempted?"

"I wouldn't hurt him," I replied indignantly.

Now I noticed James watching me intently, analyzing my face. I tried not to give anything away in my expression.

"You like him," he stated.

I paused for a second, deciding whether or not it was safe.

"Yes."

"A lot." A longer pause.

"Yes."

"You love him."

"That's hardly your business."

"A human? Really? What is it that attracts you? Obviously not his looks. Nor his physical capabilities..."

"I've already told you-"

"I give up. What is it?" James looked honestly curious. I stood there dumbfounded, disbelieving his bluntness.

Charlie cleared his throat uncomfortably, breaking the awkward silence that had settled over the five of us.

"Well, it's been nice meeting all of you. If you ever want a break from your lifestyle, you're welcome here any time," said Charlie. Everyone stared at him for a moment.

"Yes, thank you for the invitation, but I think we're quite happy the way we are. For the time being, anyway. It has been a very... out of the ordinary experience," replied Laurent.

"Very interesting. Maybe someday we'll come back," said Victoria.

"Yeah, well, it's always nice to see others of our kind," I added.

James just kept staring at me with an odd, imperceptible expression. It made me feel uneasy.

We waved goodbye, and Charlie and I headed back towards the car.


End file.
